Uneasy Rider '88

Me and my buddy got us a wild hair
And figured we wanted to go somewhere
So we loaded up in my ragtop Chevrolet
We had a lil' bit of money and a whole lot of show
And with Hank Jr. blarin' on the radio
We got a tank full of gas and we was on our way

We figured we'd go down to New Orleans
We were barrelling old 17
When a man with a red blinking light was on our tail
He said you were doing 60 in a 45
But I'm gonna let you go this time
But if I catch you again
I'm gonna slap you up in the county jail
We said thank you sir you sure been nice
And you aint gonna have to tell us twice
And we southbound down with the wind blowin in our faces
We kept on rollin and pretty soon
The radio was cookin' out a Haggard tune
And we were pullin' into Houston
Checkin out all them places

I was feelin dry and I said I think
We ought to stop and get ourselves a drink
And ol' Jim said yeah
'Cause we got time to kill
We kept on rollin' and I seen this spot
We pulled into the parking lot
Of this place called the Cloud 9 Bar and Grill

We walked through the door and the place was jammed
The lights were low they had a punk rock band
And some orange-haired feller singin 'bout suicide
I said Jim this ain't our kinda place
He said well let's just have one round anyway
So against my better judgement we walked on inside
Went up to the bar and we sat down
This feller walked up and said I'll buy this round
And he sat down on the barstool next to Jim

He looked like a girl but he talked like a guy
Had lipstick on and mascera in his eye
And everybody in that place looked just about like him
I said Jim this ain't our kind of bar
Let's just go out and back in get back in the car
'Cause there's gonna be trouble
Ain't no sense in takin a chance
We was gettin up gettin ready to leave
And somebody grabbed ol' Jim by the sleeve
It was this good lookin girl she was askin' my buddy to dance

I said Jim don't do it there's somethin' missin'
There's fellers dancin' and fellars kissin'
There's a feller in high heeled shoes wearin' panty hose
He said pardner I just cant turn this down
You just go over there and have one more round
And I'll go dance with a lady
And we'll get on down the road

So he walked away and left me alone
And this funny lookin feller kept comin' on
And he was makin me mad
With some of the things he was said
And then he put his hand on my knee
I said if you dont get your paw off me
I'm gonna locate your nose around
On the side of your head

He said I love it when you get that fire in your eye
I said well pardner try this on for size
And I unloaded on him and he went out like a light
Everybody in that place must've been his friend
They all headed for me I said this is the end
But where I come from we don't give up without a fight

They were screamin' and yellin' and scratchin' and clawin'
I was punchin" and hittin and kickin' and pawin'
I was holdin' my own 'cause I been in a scrap or two
Ol' Jim come runnin' up out of the blue
And that gal he was with come runnin' up too
And proceeded to beat on me with a high heel shoe

I grabbed her by the hair it come off in my hand
And that beautiful girl was just a beautiful man
And ol' Jim just got sick right there on the floor

He dropped that dude like a shot from a gun
Smeared his lipstick made his makeup run
And me and ol' Jim started fightin' our way to the door

We lit out of there in that Chevrolet
I put 'er the floor and she stayed that way
We was goin' down the highway doin' about a hundred and ten
We was headed for home and we was gettin' nearer
Then a red light come on the rear view mirror
And that same blamed cop was pullin' us over again

Now I'm sittin' here in this county jail
Had to call my daddy to go our bail
But I learned me a lesson I never will forget again
I done give up drinkin' I've give up bars
And runnin around the country in souped up cars
I'm goin back where the women are women
And the men are men