All Hail The Brain / Terminal Illness

Brain's gonna do it!
Brain's gonna do it!
Friday night, the Brain's gonna do it!
Friday night, we go to the mall
And Brain's gonna get us into the movie!
Gonna go see The Bloodmaster!
Friday night, The Bloodmaster!
Friday night, Friday night!
Brain's gonna do it!
Brain's gonna do it!

I have a plan
I have a plan
Possibly, I think I have a plan
It'll take a lot of work
It'll take a lot of luck
But when it all comes through
They'll say:

"All Hail the Brain!
He does what no mere mortal can!
He's the man!
Evan Goldman!

All Hail the Brain!
He did what no one else could do
Saw us through
Saved the day!"
And all I have to do is

Wait 'til Mom goes to sleep
Then sneak the license
From the wallet in her purse
Make a color Xerox, laminate it
Then put the license
Back in the wallet in her purse
Then find the dress she wore
In the picture on the license that
I copied and I laminated
Wear the dress
Get a wig
Show the license
Buy the tickets...

What could go wrong?

Brett's gonna do it!
Brett's gonna do it!
Friday night, Brett's gonna do it!
Friday night at The Bloodmaster
Brett's gonna do
The Tongue with Kendra!
Friday night at the movie at the mall!
And Brain's gonna get us in!

I have a plan!
A better plan
Actually, an almost-perfect plan
It sounds absolutely nuts
It'll take a lot of guts
But when it all comes through
They'll say:

"All Hail the Brain!
Give that Bar Mitzvah Boy a hand!
Ain't he grand?
Ain't he great!"
And all I have to do is

Go that day to the movie theater
Break into the projection room
Steal the reels of film for The Bloodmaster
Take 'em down the hall
Where they're showing Bambi
Switch the reels
Leave the theater
Tell the guys we're gonna go see Bambi!

What could go wrong?

Hey, Brain
Did you set up my date for Friday?

Date?

With Kendra!

Date?
Date!
Archie, I have major news!

I have a plan
I have a plan
So you and Kendra can go out on Friday night
Ooh!
I need your help, though, so stay calm
You need to go talk to my mom
And it'll all come true
Because

No one says no to a boy with a terminal illness
Take it from me
It's a sure guarantee of success
Listen, I'm not making fun
Of your terminal illness
But you hold the secret to
Getting my mom to say yes

So talk to my mom, and get
Her to buy the tickets we need to obtain
Brett gets his movie, I get the credit
And you get your date, so who could complain?
Except for you because your dying, but
No one says no to a boy with a terminal illness
Who could refuse when you
Shuffle your shoes and say please?
Use all the tricks that
You learned in your cradle
You don't need to lay it on thick with a ladle
'Cause no one says no
To a boy with a fatal disease!

I can do this!
I know you can!

La, la, la, la
La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
Mrs. Goldman, I hate to bother you
But I was strolling through the neighborhood'
La, la, la, la
La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
Which wouldn't be so bad
If it weren't my birthday on Friday
But the insurance doesn't cover...
La, la, la, la
La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
I could always pay you for the tickets if
I don't get my medicine next month'
La, la, la, la
La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
And you know
I've always felt this kinship
With the Jewish people'

And out of the blue
A thought comes to you
Like sun coming out from the rain
And after the stress
My mother says--
Yes!
Yes!
We're all set for Friday
So who could complain
Except for you because you're
Jewish and you always complain
It's true!

But no one says no to a
Boy with a terminal illness
Ask for a day at the mall or a trip to Belize
Nothing's too hard and
No quest unendurable
Long as your sure
You're completely incurable
'Cause no one says no
To a boy with a fatal disease

All hail the brain
All hail the brain!
I never thought he'd take the bait
This is great, Evan Goldman
Evan Goldman!
All hail the brain!
I did what no one else could do
Tell me who could complain?
All hail the brain
All hail the brain!
All hail the brain!
All hail the brain
All hail the brain!