Liar

I gotta be real with myself
I wasn't being real to myself
I still have scars that run deep
And I haven't spent any time healin' myself
No one around could feel what I felt
I felt stuck from putting fear in myself
I'm still gettin' burned, now I'm steamin' in hell
God, actin' like I'm not screamin' for help

I gotta get up
I can feel it in my gut, I wanna give up
I can't trust anyone 'cause everyone switch up
I can't love anyone 'cause everyone slip up
It's just me, don't got anyone I can hit up
All I dreamt of was seeing a stadium fill up
Because of me, every light in it gets lit up
Changin' the world through every lyric I spit up

But until a change happens in me, I can never change it
I turned fake, I got the balls to say it
I was riding waves, tryna get famous
A million plays, they know what my name is
Now I hate the stress that it all came with
My anxiety's high, and it's mad dangerous
I lost my girl, I could never save us
Being honest with yourself is the hardest, ain't it?

It's okay to admit when you're wrong and you're fake
It's okay to lose yourself when you make a mistake
It's okay to lose faith after a heartbreak
I can't say I'm perfect, if I did, I'm lyin' to your face
I'm a liar, and I lie every day, I act like I'm fine, but I ain't
Inside I'm dyin', and I pray, 'cause I'm only human
Yeah, what more can I say? Damn

I feel like I found me, but I'm lost again, oh-oh-oh
I felt like I could do it without a friend, oh-oh
I'm a liar to myself
I'm a liar to myself, yeah

I gotta be real with myself
I wasn't being real to myself
I still have scars that run deep
And I haven't spent any time healin' myself
No one around could feel what I felt
I felt stuck from putting fear in myself
I'm still gonna burn out, steamin' in hell
God, actin' like I'm not screamin' for help

I gotta learn to accept the fact that there's no one to turn to
Accept the fact that the flame we have burned through
I fucked up bad, knowin' that I don't deserve you
So many problems that we could've sat and worked through
Wishin' that I wasn't the one that had to hurt you
So blind to that, I didn't see that from your view
And now I'm stuck with pictures that I sit and search through

And I heard you moved on, and damn it, it's my fault
I'm sick of all the damage that I caused
I'm so sick of frickin' livin' inside of my thoughts
I'm blind to what I have and only see what I've lost
And I thought, if I blew up, I would be happy, well, I'm not
So don't even ask me, if it looks like I am, then I'm probably just acting
'Cause life is a movie, mine looks like a sad scene

I'm lyin' to myself when I say I believe
The truth is, I didn't even see it in me
I would only rhyme if I was feelin' a beat
When I should just beat this villain in me
In raps, I'd be inner healer to me
I had nobody when I needed to speak
Hated my life that had no meanin' to me
I'm still dealin' with these demons in me
Thought I was found but, but the real me needed to leave, 'cause

I feel like I found me, but I'm lost again, oh-oh-oh
I felt like I could do it without a friend, oh-oh
I'm a liar to myself
I'm a liar to myself, yeah