River/Small Necessities

I entered this river to swim
Opened my eyes underwater to see
But lost my way through the flood
And nearly dropped dead
Cause I couldn't fight agony

I entered those heavens for hope
Raised my hands to the clouds for a prayer
Then lost my faith but these days
I can tell I'm dead certain
Trying has been worth every bit

The texture of your skin
Fragile like dreams sends me to sleep
Listen, listen, listen
To whispers of guilt

My blood is thin and I'm
Trying to hide away from life
Listen, listen, sun
Won't hurt your eyes

Mother
Where are you?
Mother
What am I?
Mother
Help me for
God's sake
Protect me
Mother

Saddest waste of youth

I couldn't read your alphabet
I cannot read those lines
And all those small necessities
Seem needless such a kind
A playground for adults
That don't know how to grow
Releasing all their tensions
In minimal expose
Please tell me where to look at
Give me a benchmark here
I'll probably quit looking
You've made no sense in years

You've made no sense in years
You've made no sense in years

And I've been hunting for pleasure
I've been hunting for ghost
And I've been faking my memories
To redeem my remorse
I try to balance the future
I try to offset the past
Making my life an illusion
To evade the blast

Fearing what I have once chosen
All your truth hurts my ears
I composed my emotions
To get as close as sincere
I saw an angel I'm sure
Though I'm not able to see
And I'm permitting myself
To never think again

I'm banned for a lifetime
Banned from reaching a goal
Because I'll never be certain
Of what I really want
And while I drown in self-pity
I try to hold the precept
That all I do has a reason
And I am becoming myself