S.O.S.

I hate myself
No, seriously. I do
I wanna be somebody else, but I can't figure out to who
A better version of me?
Or somebody else completely?
Or should I just give up, end it all, and delete me?
Stop!
Can't think like that
But it's hard especially when you're the unnoticed kid in the back
In the far corner of a dark room
Surrounded by his own gloom
But once he's illuminated by the bright, full moon
You're gonna see that this wallflower is soon gonna bloom
At least, I hope that be
But I still wonder why nobody ever really notices me
Maybe my timing's just off
Or maybe I speak too soft
But
Maybe they do it on purpose
Skip over my name on their searches
Look over me cause I'm a weird kid whose song posts are dumb and worthless
It's funny though cause my cousin is doing the same
But then again, she got less views whenever she included my name
But if you flip it around
That's when I get the most
So now I'm thinking that there must be something wrong with my voice
Like my soul isn't good enough
Am I good enough?
Dammit!
Self doubt
That's one of the many problems
That I've made inside of my head without figuring out a way to solve 'em
Ironically, the only person who can help me is me
And if that's the case
I guess I'm never gonna be free
From the dread I formed inside of my head
Looking back at the wasted time I've spent
Laying wide awake inside of my bed
Thinking that I'll be better off dead
Here I go again speaking of suicide
Scared of the feelings that I have inside
Hoping one day they would retire
But they tend to come back fortified
Can't put to rest and I give it my best
With each try I feel like a little bit less
Like myself and more like a ghost
Going unnoticed by most
Somehow now, I'm the odd one out in any group that I chose
But that's my fault cause I do not talk. That's my problem. I suppose
That since I figured it out
I can try to do better
But they gonna judge me anyway
So whatever
I'm up, up, and away cause I rather not stay
With the asses. All they do is bray all day
Talking about how they're so great
Well, that's up for debate
But I'm not saying that I'm better than y'all
Don't you recall
The beginning of the song. I say, "I hate myself"
I'm not Kendrick Lamar. I'm like something less
So please don't compare me to anyone else
Since I do it to myself. I don't need your help
(But I need some help)
I've been stuck in this slump for too long
Feeling like everything I do, I do wrong
And it seems no matter how much I try
I'll never become that one cool guy
But then again
I never was
My name never created any buzz
I guess because of how lame I was
Things never change and it seldom does
I'm sorry
I didn't mean to get on this soapbox
Cause openly expressing myself is something that I usually do not
Do
It's true
And it's harder without a crew
To have your back and be able to tell you that, "Dude, this isn't you"
Maybe it's all in my head
It's possible I actually became the shitty friend
At the very end
I'll probably end up alone
I can't say it was anybody else's fault
All except for my own
So I truly despise the man inside my mirror
I sincerely hate myself, I can't seem to make it any clearer
That I need some help
I got nothing left
In this fight in my mind
This Self Opposed Self