Christmas Eve (Gapless)

Cold days, and gray light
And waking up with a sore throat
And silence, and sound
And Christmas lights
And expectations

Do you remember looking at adults
And wondering why their lips
Were always pressed in tight lines
And they went to bed early
And they sighed when they sat on the couch
But as you grow older
You mime those same actions
Unfeeling, unexplainable, somehow natural
And all too similar
Does life push us to be these people?
As time passes like train cars you're waiting on
And reality feels like the parent
You always wanted to be proud of you
Is it any wonder why we're always chasing highs
And thrills, and orgasms, and immersion?

Drug use, and affairs
And mid-life crises, and escapism
And bank loans, and 'real jobs'
And forwarding mail
And then you're dead

Why do I find myself trudging the same path
I said I'd never venture down
Drinking cups of coffee and driving
And suddenly realizing
I'd worked ten years at this place

It's like I've gone too far on this journey
I'm in too deep to go back now
Is it too late to reinvent myself?
I guess I'm just not sure how I ended up here
It's like I'm stepping outside
And the cold air burns my lungs
And I've made a mistake
And I'm doing everything the same
And I'm disappointed in myself
And I'm fucking bored

Somewhere along the way
I lost sight of who I am exactly
I look back and the days run together
And now I'm left with an aerial view
Of the stream of decision
That I realized I've never really been a part of
Among the numb, and the monotony
And the abstraction from truly living
I'm Alice, left to wake up, left with nothing