Ronin

I'm searchin' for something that isn't seen
I'm searchin' for what it's meaning to be
A human just navigating the earth
A human just calculating his worth
With nothing less than syllables to my name
And nothing more than a pocket full of change
I'm only broke 'cause I been so broken hearted
The hollow hope, my DNA as an artist
But I made the decision I should've read the description
My confidence plundered now there's no comfort in my condition
A sucker for supposition, I wonder what I been missin'
I've sacrificed all this time and nothing's come to fruition
And I, can't seem to decompress
I been dreamin' more but I'm sleepin' less
Can I free the stress, will I see success
When I feel like I been only movin' east to west
If I leave the nest, will I bleed regret
Or find a better opportunity to seize respect
I'm not deep in debt or competing death
So is there really any reason I should be depressed

Just a victim of peer pressure
A victim to what makes me feel better
A suspect of lying to my perception
A suspect of trying it for acceptance
And I can't seem to understand, the meaning to be a man
The demons of who I am
Naïve when it all began, the scenery's just a flicker
I took a step in the frame so I could center the picture
And I caught wind of the movement
Never left any room for improvement
I neglected to glue in the blueprint
I was being swept by the view of delusion
Now I'm only left with these open wounds
'Cause mom had doubts when I broke the news
That I found me a place in the cadence wave
An idea she could never really open to
But is there happiness if change fields
'Cause passionate don't pay bills
And my life might seem fine but y'all cant see how this pain feels
And I might sound cliché but I ain't tryna win no sympathy
It's just fucked up when you find out your dream just ain't what's meant to be
So I'm stuck
Breathing is rough
Believing it ain't really reason enough
Bleeding the ink in achievement of meaning I'm leaning to think I should leave it to luck
Lost in a place where they can't seem to find me 'cause all that I write down will always remind me
That I may never make it, patiently waitin'
Fadin' away in a wave of mistakes and
Faith in it vacant, statement is latent
Placing the blame on the game being racist
Framing the face as a way to explain why I'm failing more than I should
But why is it that I feel like I'm misunderstood

But I know this is my fault 'cause I chose to do this
And when they showed it no love I'd cook up excuses
I use it, so I could slight the wicked truth of reality
But the fact is that my passion took all the passionate outta me
So now I
Leave behind
The dream of mine
'Cause it seems malign to my means to find some peace of mind
The end of the fight, I center the knife
Raising the blade as I weigh out the way I surrender to life