Crap in Tow

Woke up and got out of bed
Put on my slippers and went to the head
I pulled down my trousers and guess what then
I left a turd on the linoleum

Got off the pot, but I did not know
That I had a bunch of crap in tow
Stuck to my shoes and walked around the house
To leave a fresh surprise for my good old spouse

Never thought it'd happen so soon
At twenty-three I thought I'd be killing poon
But here I am dragging shit around the room
But that's just the way it goes

Never had incontinence
Could hold a turd and bet ten cents
That it wouldn't roll down my leg
Like some fried over-easy egg

Times have changed and I'm unsure
If by lunch I may be in manure
But it could just have been a bad clam
That broke this old diarrhea dam

Never thought it'd happen so soon
At twenty-three I thought I'd be killing poon
But here I am dragging shit around the room
But that's just the way it goes

I cleaned it up so no-one could see
But just then I started to pee
Left a puddle larger than the great lakes
A piss so strong I couldn't turn on the brakes

I was there all alone in my piss
All of a sudden, I felt pure bliss
Who knew that just that little bit of pee
Could fill me up with so much glee

Never thought it'd happen so soon
At twenty-three I thought I'd be killing poon
But here I am dragging shit around the room
But that's just the way it goes