Falling

I need to breathe,
I'm holding instead.
I need to sift
through these thoughts in my head.
Thinking so much it might kill me.
I'm thinking "What I am I really?"
Looking down at my life like it's a puzzle I've been building.
I'm thinkin' 'bout having kids,
but who am I to subject someone to this?
Not even 21, and I'm up late thinking
"Is this all that life is?"
With all that I give,
I don't get much back.
All I win pales when compared to the losses that I have.
Please keep your pity,
I really don't want any of that.

I don't want you to see me fall.
I don't want you to see me at all.
I know if you did,
you'd see me as I am.
And I've been falling.

Tryna find the pieces that I've lost,
tryna understand the cost.
Wonder if this battle is a hassle that'll matter.
Is it worth being fought?
I've been going back and forth in my head for awhile.
Is it my job causing me to go wild?
I don't know what to do, I'm so indecisive.
I go blow-for-blow with the mind I've been fighting.
I wish that there was someone who could give me some guidance.
I wish I could be perfect, I'm so sick of trying.
I have a lot of anger built up that's inside me.
It wants to come out, that's why I've been hiding.
When people come and talk, that's when I get anxiety.
And people don't care, that's why I stick to writing.
I'm burnt out, my words shout to the earth now.
No ears to hear, but as it turns out
I'm alone in this world.
I think I fell off the edge.
And now I'm falling,
this might be the end.
I could put on a smile,
it might last for awhile.
But I'm no longer a child,
I don't want to pretend.

I don't want you to see me fall.
I don't want you to see me at all.
I know if you did,
you'd see me as I am.
And I've been falling.