Slide Guitar Music

All our finest restaurants have folding chairs
And you won't find a meaner waitress anywhere
When you first walk in
Grouchy old men turn their heads and stare
All our finest restaurants have folding chairs

All our brightest kids are either weird or gay
They can't wait to graduate and move away
And it seems like only jocks and unwed mothers ever stay
All our brightest kids are either weird or gay

If my life had a soundtrack
It'd be slide guitar music
Drunk on the heat
In the middle of the day
If this house was a graveyard
There wouldn't be any bones in it
If this town was a lifeguard
It'd be asleep in the shade

All our blue-haired ladies keep their houses clean
And they keep a Kleenex neatly tucked up in their sleeve
And they love that instant imitation lemon flavored tea
All our blue-haired ladies keep their houses clean

All our deacons smoke unfiltered cigarettes
And they have to pass the offering plate all out of breath
After every sermon they light up out on the steps
All our deacons smoke unfiltered cigarettes

If my life had a soundtrack
It'd be slide guitar music
Drunk on the heat
In the middle of the day
If this house was a gold mine
There wouldn't be any gold in it
If this town was a bloodhound
It'd be asleep in the shade

Y'all vacation with us any time you want to
But please, dear god, don't move down here to stay
We don't need you building condos on our dove fields
So set a spell then go the hell away

If my life had a soundtrack
It'd be slide guitar music
Drunk on the heat
In the middle of the day
If this house was a graveyard
There wouldn't be any bones in it
If this town was a lifeguard
It'd be asleep in the shade
If this town was a lifeguard
It'd be asleep in the shade
Hay, hay, hay, woo