4am in Yongen-Jaya

No longer backing those that's turning their backs on me
No longer giving them a shoulder of certainty
No longer lying in the dark, sacrificing my sleep
No longer acting like it's cool when it's settling down
No longer feeling I should keep my emotions around
Truth is that I've wondered if the afterlife was calling my name
Thinking death would separate me from shame
Now the light continues passing by and I struggle to feel my shine
I'd apologize if that were the key to turning back time
Tell my family sorry on days I'm locked in my room
And feeling comfort in the hope that one night it becomes my tomb
Now there's rumors running rampant, I'm trying to clear my name
They asked me for the proof, but know nothing would be the same
Not a moment passes by where I feel they're speaking in silence
Still, I try to show them growth as a passive aggressive violence
It's like everyone decides when they want to reach out to me
And if you struggle with the thought then don't come unsettling peace
Cause this is paranoia heightened to who I let see my heart
I'm hoping this will stop all the hate that leaks in my art
To everyone I've hurt, know I'm sorry for my decisions
But I need to carry on with a better outlook on living
All I've done is blending in to the crowd and I am myself
Took the hate from my surroundings and suffocated myself
Don't want to drown amidst the sorrows, my only want's to be free
Pray the years before are what they can truly believe
If it was in my options, I'd side with who said to leave
But I got brothers fighting struggles, I want to see them succeed
They inspire me into thinking it's cool to suffer
Cause once you're through the thick of the woods you only get tougher
That's why when the chance arises I tell this woman I love her
When I'm afraid of saying goodbye and her thinking "what of"
I'd like to think there's someone that's yearning to be like me
Thankful I exist and feel I'm a wonderful being
That's the motivation that helps me believe in sleep
And then I'd tell them that this life I was given didn't come cheap
Vices are a hole that should never be ventured deep
If you fall too far, climbing out of it could be steep
And people you felt close may keep walking by when they see
Cause if it puts them at a risk they're unwilling to pay the fee