Party Girl Intro - Live

I was one of those teenage girls who thought about things, a lot
My mom had raised me on her own, and I had seen men come and go from our lives
Some were sweet and fatherly to me
And some betrayed us, like Scott, who lived with us the year I was in third grade
Who I liked, and who had "the dog"

The dog's name was Kesey, for the merry pranksters
Which should have been a warning to us all
Kesey was a beautiful, sweet Australian sheepdog, who immediately became my best pal
That year we lived as a family – my mother so happy
Scott always laughing and fooling around, and of course my best bud Kesey
It was a little girl's dream

One day I woke up, and Scott and Kesey were gone
My mother lay on the kitchen floor like a wet mop rag doll
Apparently, Scott had moved in with some other woman (maybe one without a kid?)
My poor mom had no idea there was someone else and was devastated
I remember lots of her friends, women in floor length hippie skirts, coming to console her
They acted like it was sad, but also normal
To be abruptly left in the middle of the night without warning
I missed Scott, and I missed my mom being happy
Most of all, I missed my best bud Kesey

So, when it came to boys slash men, I was pretty circumspect
As a teen, there were messages everywhere
Be fun, be sexy, be available and oh god, how I tried
I drank, I smoked weed, I took diet pills, I was stupid, I partied hard
Throughout this debauchery, I was smart about just one thing: sex
I wasn't gonna be duped by romance
And I certainly wasn't gonna let anyone get close enough to hurt me in that way

Then, when I was 16, I fell in madly in love, with the "right" kind of guy
I considered this new boyfriend an artsy soulmate
We were in band, choir, drama, creative writing, and all of our AP classes together
When we were cast as lovers in the school play, and had to kiss on stage
I would almost pass out before every performance
I wondered if my heart could be seen pounding from the back of the auditorium
And what was supposed to be small kiss
Took on the epic proportions of Bella and Edwards first kiss in twilight, at least in my mind
To top it off, he was the son of a couple of my mother's friends
So in a way, he was already family, and everyone was happy to see us together

The boyfriend lived 90 minutes from our high school by car
And with all of our after-school activities, he would spend the night at our house, in my room
Well, being in love, and 16, things happened
But I always knew when to draw the line
As I say, I thought, a lot

One day, while doing all of this thinking, I made a decision
My boyfriend was the one, I was ready
And it was time to go ask my mother to take me to get birth control
After all, she had raised me on the idea that I could talk to her about anything
So, I asked
"Sure", she said, "I'll take you to the doctor"
And when the day came, and she dropped me at the curb, I was surprised
"Aren't you coming in with me?", I asked
Suddenly, she adopted an authoritarian look, something kind of rare for her
"If you're old enough to make this choice, you are old enough to do this on your own" she said
I was shocked, but I got out of the car

I think I had imagined that my de-virginization would be some kind of celebrated mother-daughter thing
After all, she wasn't gross about it, but she had had boyfriends
And was open about that fact that she had a sex life
So, I assumed she would welcome me into mine, especially if I did it the right way, with a capital 'R'
In my mind, I had already decided that this was the right way to lose my virginity
Without consulting a soul
The clinic was scary
Full pelvic exam, and informative, clinical nurses
I left with condoms and a pack of pills that I was told needed to be taken for one month
Before I could safely do the deed

The boyfriend had no idea that I was doing all of this
He continued to spend school nights in my bed, both of us in states of serious frustration
That month, he became stranger and stranger, spending the night with me
And then acting as if he hardly knew me at school
Then, just one week before I was "ready", he slept with a girl who was one grade younger than us
And in my humble opinion, seriously not worthy of him
I was devastated, but also furious
With just three days to go 'til I was "ready for business", I confronted the boyfriend
I told him that I would be all his, but that I wouldn't share
I'll give him this, he was honest when he said, "I can't give you what you want"
So, I threw away the last three pills, remained a virgin, and was sad for a few months

Is this a success story?
I don't know
I know that my heart still hurts a little bit over it
I didn't lose my virginity for another year
So when it did happen, I was a whole year more ready, which means a lot at 17
People who knew me from that time, probably would say I was a total party girl
But people who really knew me, will know that I was secretly just a girl who thought... a lot