A Soldier's Story?

Yeah
My hunger to be regarded as the best
Is what's starving me to death
Partially depressed and harboring regrets, targeting success
Bartering bars bargaining for checks
Becoming a star seems startling so I'm vexed

Nonetheless here I am though
Like they shoved a rifle in my hands and threw me in some camo
And told me to go be Rambo
Just cause you got a soul don't make you a soldier
Every shoulder ain't equipped to handle the weight of a boulder
Used to couldn't wait to get older
Over 30 now and jealous of Benjamin Button all of a sudden

Reversing roles to live in reverse
Feels like more of a gift than a curse
Jogging your memory revisiting birth
And truly get a sense of what life is literally worth
I suppose what I write is like a zeitgeist for life's highs and lows
From nightlights and tyke bikes to oversized girbauds
To the everyday fight through the plight and providing flows

That speak on it these sonnets steeped in
Ebonics be bonnets how ya sleep on
It I count up likes and read comments
Some shit cut deep some bring comic (relief)
Social medias unfamiliar land I recon it
Obtain the info and what I gained was plain and simple
Watch what you feed the soul 'cause the eye remains the window
March to the best of your own drum don't let 'em change the tempo

I came in this game with nickels
Pockets in a major pickle then made it triple
Was contemplating aiming pistols or slanging crystal
Or crack, or matter fact any pack long as it brought plenty back
Baby boy ain't conform just forged a formula then milked it
Similac the raps is similar to Cinemax
Who said they could hold a candle to Grip over wax, relax

I'm from the class of Hova and 3 Stacks
Pac, Nas, Big and Slim Shady
Been wavy way before 1080
Having nervous breakdowns like I know the pen crazy
But how I'm supposed posed to make
Then think think think think

I hit up Tigg 'bout management that's my mans and shit
I feel if anybody was equipped for the task he could handle it
Besides the fact this nigga cool
He one of the only dudes I know that actually finished school (damn)

And to me that mean he finish what he start
So just stay down my nigga and we gon' see plenty from this art
I hit up Tu let's cook from scratch
You got the beats I got the raps
First shit we made was cul-de-sac
A classic track right off the bat
"Porch" came shortly after that
Hardly any records scrapped
They knew that was a problem
Dropped snub it was a wrap
Was supposed to hit the road with brent
Like 30 cities on the map
Then that fucking Rona hit
Lost out on 30 racks
But many people lost their lives

So how the fuck could I complain
Feel like we moving from outside
But I feel stuck inside my brain
Is this really what I want?
Am I still in love with this game?
Tigg called like nigga
Eminem just said your shit was flames
Then me and Em hopped on a call
And it all seemed fitting
Just a couple days from quitting
And the rest is unwritten