Therapy Session

My reign officially started
I'm working so I never see a drought again
I lost what motivated me for a minute
Through inner turmoil
But I found the list
Haven't let my soul speak in a second
Ooh that sound was missed
The naysayers got to me
Who allowed em in?
How was I backtracking and doubting this?
Back and forth between I know I'ma make it
Or won't amount to shit
The volume of the voices in my head were as loud as it gets
Was overwhelmed under conditions I put on myself
'Cause I put on myself
Scared of accepting help
Had me accepting hell and a lesser health
Came to conclusion this everything but a fairy tale

Fear of commitment, needed ways outs
Was rarely invested
The lonely drives in the Ford Escape turned to therapy sessions
A lot of breakdowns, my engine light on
Shoulda had the oil changed
Burning out
Submerged in New Amsterdam to avoid the pain
No one to talk it out with
Practicing a code of silence
Men of pride
I wish the guys would be more open minded
Them shades covered my swollen eyelids
And my response to "how you been?"
All answers that were so recycled
Hate how my role in the group
was set as the strongest shoulder to lean and cry on
They never notice nobody's home 'cause I'd keep a light on
Crazy dreams balanced with 60hr full time weeks
Had me questioning should I stick around or should I leave?

My reign officially started
Was down pouring up daily
Now we pouring up to curated playlist notifications
Stepping stones had led me to rock bottom
But I'm bolder than most
Lows in control were just exposing all the holes in the road
Letting the chips fall, the message I seeked
Now all my chips are on me
I make a mess when I eat
Too many wins to count a loss
Feel like I'm counting cards
Counting up blessings
There's too many I can't count 'em all
Too many counting on me for me to ever count me out
Look at the evidence
Out of all the acts, who had the loudest crowd?
I'm getting DMs saying I'm changing lives and oddly enough
I haven't met my expectations
But I've already won
Already in somebody's top 5
The game and I locked eyes
It told me I'm still getting started, I gotta be patient
Don't worry, I got time
If I try to hurry at stop signs
I'll end up buried with mom crying
I'm working on scoping the journey, and not leaving scenes
With shells form shots flying
Sacrificing my own body for the greater good of someone else's mind
Though internal trauma resurfacing
After plenty years of being set aside
Through the IRS taking every dime
From mistakes I made when I was stepping blind
Through my peers announcing engagements
And every time I felt left behind
Through sold out shows in my hometown
That haven't been processed
'Cause I'm too busy burning boats to show that
I'm not returning from the conquest
But I'm here now
Here to stay and hear what's to come
I'm here now, yeah