Sobriety Song

Since I quit drinking alcohol, I'm a much happier guy
Life keeps getting better and better the longer I'm dry
Saving time and money with no booze to buy
Now I can stay focused on what's really important: getting high

I'm on morphine and codeine, clonidine and ketamine
Caffeine and nicotine with a little dextroamphetamine
To calm down that dopamine: Thorazine and quetiapine
Lots of diphenhydramine and every benzodiazepine
Hydroxyzine and promethazine, Dramamine and propoxyphene
L-theanine and velvet bean go well with any tryptamine
A household antihistamine, plus tyrosine and phenylalanine
For clandestine manufacturing of methylenedioxymethamphetamine

There you have it: my drinking vaccine
Or as I like to call it: my lean cuisine
Call it whatever, you know what I mean
Nothing could be more serene

I'm on PCP and peyote, DMT and THC
Candyflip frequently on E and LSD
Marinol is so much better than alcohol
Side effects from Adderall reduced by propranolol
A handful of Ambien to wash down ephedrine
Psilocybin has been my favorite medicine
Klonopin and Vicodin, double-dosed mescaline
But what really gets under my skin: one-hundred percent pure heroin

There you have it: my drinking vaccine
Or as I like to call it: my lean cuisine
Call it whatever, you know what I mean
Sober is much more fun than clean

I take speed with my weed, as I smoke I do coke
Mixed with Valium and Librium for equilibrium
Hydrocodone is much like hydromorphone
But my favorite has got to be oxycodone
Don't smoke crack right after taking Prozac
It's the fast track to having a panic attack
But some GHB, CBD, and poppy seed tea
Plus a Xanny or two or ten will kill your anxiety

That's how it's done if you want to quit booze
See for yourself: Walk a mile in my shoes
Sober just means alcohol you can't choose
All the other drugs you're free to use