Oblivion

Where the fuck do I start
It's hard to focus when I'm broken apart
My mode of coping with emotion is art
So now my only stroke of hope is if I open my heart
But I know there's no closure in the depression and pain
'Cause it'll never be the same since the seventh of May
Another day, another call from my mom
'Til she paused took a breath and said my grandpa is gone
Silence, nothin to say
'Cause ain't nothin' can change that he was taken away
In a daze, in the darkness I didn't know what to feel
'Cause I couldn't believe it when it just didn't seem real
Then it occurred to me all I was concerned about
How much worse my grandmother must be hurtin' now
And these memories of his laugh, keep echoing from the past
But nothing's numbing the fact that's he's never coming back

My hope is gone
And I don't see a reason to keep holding on
I ain't felt this pain before
Now I know why Mama told me when it rains, it pours
When it rains, it pours
I know why Mama told me when it rains, it pours
I ain't felt this pain before
Now I know why Mama told me when it rains, it pours

Now the sorrow was leaving my heart was seemin' to mend
Until the scar of the departed started bleedin' again
I thought I saw the worst in losin' someone I love
But the world decided I wasn't hurtin' enough
So I've been mourning since May, wasn't born for this pain
Losin' one from each side in only 46 days
June 22, when my grandmother died
Before I got the chance to even to tell her goodbye
'Cause since COVID was takin' over the globe
The closest that we could be was through speakin' over the phone
So it only made me mad when people didn't wear a mask
'Cause my grandma had to spend her last moments so alone
But that seemed to be a theme
My grandfather ceded to cancer before me being conceived
So if there's any peace seen within the grief that I suffer
It's after 30 years they can finally be with each other

My hope is gone
And I don't see a reason to keep holding on
I ain't felt this pain before
Now I know why Mama told me when it rains, it pours
When it rains, it pours
I know why Mama told me when it rains, it pours
I ain't felt this pain before
Now I know why Mama told me when it rains, it pours

I conceded to explore my roots
Perusing the history I was born into
With a legacy that was formed out of fortitude
When they suffered from the injustices in '42
I would always hear the stories about what the war caused
How my grandpa had to sleep in a converted horse stall
A kid who was imprisoned for his image reflected
While they told him the interment was to keep him protected
But that's a mothafuckin' cop out to me
When my grandma had to sacrifice a college degree
But all the demons that it caused, the freedom that she had lost
Has bought me the opportunity to follow my dreams
It's still hard to believe she and my grandfather died
But it reminded me of why I'm even alive
With all the pain they defied, there's so much pride in my name
So through the music I'ma prove they wasn't dyin' in vain

My hope is gone
But now I see a reason to keep holding on
I ain't felt this pain before
Now I know why Mama told me when it rains, it pours
When it rains, it pours
I know why Mama told me when it rains, it pours
I ain't felt this pain before
Now I know why Mama told me when it rains, it pours