Dear Dad

Life is a comedy
Everyday is a joke
Though we often miss the punchline we meander and mope
Lack of purpose finding meaning in your diamonds and gold
Wasted all your time complaining at the end of your line
Then when your laying on your deathbed life floods though your mind, its funny
A joke so tragic that the ending is literal execution

Now I lay me down to sleep
I pray the lord my soul to keep
And if I die before I wake I pray that you would give me grace
For I have wronged, I'll wrong again
I'm not a saint I won't pretend
These issues get the best of me because I simply let them be

Dad what do you think of me
A decade since you bit the dust
Time just gets away from me, I'm sorry that we don't talk much
Looking for those wedding tapes, because my ears forgot your sound
My heart still echoes with the pain of putting you into the ground

Zoom through every ounce of grief, deny myself the right to mourn
Bitter and a pessimist whose far too stubborn to his core
Hurt people cause they laughed at me
They were kids and ignorant
Had no right to use my words like bullets in an ammo clip

Moving like a parody of pumped kicks
I knew my words could carry weight but didn't tighten my grip
It slipped
Visceral evisceration
Method was the verbal kind
Hit her like the thunder god
Moving through a power line

Sorry, doesn't make a difference
Live a life with no regrets
A heavy ask for any man
Whose half as jaded as I am

Doubt is not a benefit
My actions are solidified
These eyes have seen my dirty deeds
And so I see no need to lie

Give yourself a little slack
I can't cause I was capable
It isn't immaturity I'm just so lackadaisical
Complacent as a cover for my cowardice

Condolences to confidants
But still I'll live with no regrets

Drowning in my arrogance
While lacking in my self esteem
It hurts when people laugh at me
I called myself the reject king
Delusional, insanity is coursing through my veins
The world is far too bitter I escape to anime

Distract myself from everything I even sacrificed my passion
Now I'm picking up the pieces desperate for an answer
Look at Me Y'all gave me so much and I tore it all to pieces
Live a life with no regrets, I live a life that's lacking meaning

Down the line I just grew distant
My intentions grew confused
Accountability, atrocious
Projecting onto you
Lacking happiness I thought that I could find it in a girl
I'm just so tired, lacking drive, feels like I'm holding up the world
I wish the stress would fade away
Lift the weight and close my eyes
Let my mind just drift away
But it's poetic if I die
Because this very same stress stripping sanity from my mind
Encroached upon your heart and stole away your life

I admire you
Tenacity was all that you encompassed
My foundation and my guide your life a brilliant fleeting moment
Was I stifled by your arms Did you do your job too well
Maybe that's the reason God took you
And made us say farewell
So I could come to terms with me
And how I never could be you

Despite the pain I'm very grateful so I write these words to you
The one who's life was ended early
May your spirit rest at ease
I'll live a life with no regrets
So close your eyes and rest in peace
Dear dad