Pledge Drive

I am living in an extra large box
It's a nice, big, house, with a TV VCR
Where rats are eating all my earthly possessions
I called the pledge drive, I got the suicide hotline

Life's little moments in an extra large box
Courting controversy in an esoteric field
Why don't the police ever obey the law?
I don't know anything, you don't know anything

Statistically likely to be wearing a shirt
A shirt so white and starched you could spill coffee on it
Statistically likely to be trying to stay hydrated
But not that hydrated
No one is mad at me
No one is mad at me
No one is mad at me
No one is mad at me

If woke dudes must die, I'll go first
I don't know anything, you don't know anything
If we must dumpster dive, I'll go first
I don't know anything, you don't know anything
And if you think youth has been wasted on the young and the wasted
So now one of us has to die, I'll go first
I don't know anything, you don't know anything

I am a super grain, I'm native to Peru
I thrive in the elevations of the Andes mountain range
I am arguably ruining the environment and the local economy
And you can substitute me for bulgur wheat

This mob of teens with sponges is ready to wash your car
I'm standing in the Wendy's drive through screaming, "Fuck all the transphobes"
(Sir, this is a Wendy's)
I feel nothing and I'm fourteen inches tall
I don't know anything, you don't know anything

Statistically likely to be wearing a shirt
A shirt so white and starched you could spill coffee on it
Statistically likely to be trying to stay hydrated
But not that hydrated
No one is mad at me
No one is mad at me
No one is mad at me
No one is mad at me

If woke dudes must die, I'll go first
I don't know anything, you don't know anything
If we must dumpster dive, I'll go first
I don't know anything, you don't know anything
And if you think youth has been wasted on the young and the wasted
So now one of us has to die, I'll go first
I don't know anything, you don't know anything