This is how I've been

Sick childish ways seeping in
Oh you wanna speak to him
Fuck it hoe, I'm leaving then
I was just yo secret friend
10th grade, math room, seen you in my classroom
I thought you were mad cute, but when I seen that ass move
You was always on my mind, I'm like always all the time
Girl I felt so tensed when you incepted sections of my eyes
Gathered up the flesh to say wassup, can we friends?
You said, I suppose, I guess, no I mean yes what happened next was

Been overthinking, I don't know how I should start this shit
But that's just a weakness
I keep secret inside my heart and shit
You wanna hear my story? Okay, I'll tell bits and parts of it
All bout me, no narcissist, I'm shaken up like Parkinson's
My grandma was blessed, she was truly a success
I grew in a big house, since about 2010
Life was fine, until 09, a very tragic event
My grandmother done died, so who was gone pay the rent?
My whole family depressed, granny rolled to rest
Can't believe people changed, all over a death
Back then I was only 5, fragments left inside my mind
Asked my momma where she went
Said she to the other side
Understand what she meant
Then we both began to cry
The more that I lived life, the more that I realized
That this shit's a blessing
I can't even take this shit for granted, not for a second
I refuse to do, shit that ain't true to me, for attention

Been though a lot, until I met my then ex best friend
After that shit, I don't think that I can give my heart out again
I could act like I don't give a fuck about her to pretend
But I'ma save that shit for later, so don't let me begin
Let's like about my damage
Let's talk about the times
I've strived through pain and I seem manage
Can easily panic, got Jesus advantage
Believe in the man and you'll receive the whole planet
Owww
I walk by faith, so everyday that I'm awake, I'm really great
No matter how much shit I take, I stage a smile on my face
They say some may call it fake
I say, I say, they ain't wrong
But I'm strong, on my Mom, I'll pave the way.

Lately life's been hitting hard like a 808
Broke as fuck, still watered down in some Bathing Apes
Working 40 hours, I'm exhausted but I stay awake
Work a 9-5 minimum wage, living day to day
Used to hide the fact that I rhyme
Now I'm not afraid
Like Em and Jay, grinding on my writing tryna elevate
Like MJ, jumping high
Tryna touch the sky, I might I go outer space
Yeah bitch, might go outer space
Pouring out my heart into this beautiful beat
I did somethings up in the dark, to me that hard believe
Can I mustard up the words to stay it now
Or should I say it later
Is the phrase playing in my brain, I'm going so insane
If I'd admit that I indulged in this, I wonder how'll you see me
Will I still be the cool Rasheen you used to like to be with?
Or would I be that creepy guy that you cannot be seen with?
Pick yo choice I'm finished speaking