Æffect

I realize now
That I was held back by how
The words of those close to me
Made changes to who I was meant to be

I had hopes I had dreams
Had a vision of a life just for me
But the pressures of expectations
Made my future so complicated

Your intentions were pure
I know you meant well
Your affections caused effects that made my life a living hell

Help me be free from the grip of judgementality
The light from your love casts the darkest shadows over me
Your encouragement and positivity
Meant to bring out the best in me
But your affections effected me
Adversely

We tend to believe what we receive
Feel like I'm chasing dreams I can't achieve
But the few that seem to believe in me
They tell me what sounds good but don't tell it how it needs to be

I'm a hopeless failure full of hope
To some it sounds crazy to others it's a joke
And I feel like I'm on the butt end, excuse me
I don't mean to butt in but could you let me know

If I'm really not that good would you tell me
Or would you gas me up
Set me up for failure but you want to see me better
Trying to prepare me and got my mind going round like propellers

But they failed us
We're eating off the plate of deception it's bittersweet
How they make the ugly look so attractive
I'm digging deep
Trying to get to the bottom of their intentions
Why do I feel this tension I wonder what's the incentive

I'd rather have a hard truth than a soft lie
I'd rather see a face frown than a fake smile
After the breakdown I might take a break to break down
And you can call exzcema when I break out

Won't let it weigh me down I'll get my weight up
Bench press
I'm in the game full-fledged on the bench less
A lot to get off my chest tactical vest
I can see through your mess like mesh

I'll never take for granted the way you guided me
But when all is said and done I'm responsible for me

Help me be free from the grip of judgementality
The light from your love casts the darkest shadows over me
Your encouragement and positivity
Meant to bring out the best in me
But your affections effected me
Adversely

And I
I won't apologize
For setting myself free
Even if you disagree

And I
Will no more disguise
Who I'm meant to be
My true
Identity