Half of a Human

With your friends in even pairs
It makes it bold that you're the odd one out
All that lonely wears and tears
It makes you question, fills you up with doubt
What's the matter with me?
Is there something that I could be doing wrong
What happened to me?
I'm tethered fragments but they tell me I'm strong

What's the point of winning
If your cheers are pulse-less echos
Maybe I'd find someone better
If they saved me at the get-go
I hate that I'm like this
Wish that I could switch my brain off
You need somebody to find you
When all that you've known is being lost

If I could see myself as whole
And not like I was just a fractured half
If I would have subtracted sooner
There would be less knives stuck in my back
What good's being half of a human
On lonely nights like these
I wouldn't mind the blade
And what good's selfless self destruction
If you don't lie in the bed that you've made

I had been born to a mother and father
They formed me and birthed me
Then sent me to slaughter
Cherished and baptized
There's blood in the water
The world had such plans
For their eldest born daughter
That man who had put his hands
Onto that child
Too young to speak
To say she was defiled
Split into parts, but away it was filed
But her after him
Made all of that seem mild

In what world is there winning
When the soul that's left is echos
Don't think I'll find someone better
I was damned right from the get go
I hate that I'm like this
Know that I can't switch my brain off
I need somebody to find me
Cuz I'm thinking it's my life that's lost

If I could see myself as whole
And not like I was just a fractured half
If I would have subtracted sooner
There would be less knives stuck in my back
What good's being half of a human
On lonely nights like these
I wouldn't mind the blade
And what good's selfless self destruction
If you don't lie in the bed that you've made

On the outside, it looks easy
How they break up and they re-pair
After everything I've been through
I can't trust myself, I'm scared
Not taking down the broken walls
Just starting to rebuild them
They drank all that's in my cup
And still want more, but can't refill them
Was hurt enough to think this way
Not strong enough to break beliefs
Persecuted if I'm honest
But, finally feel relief
Things in the past were painful
But, what hurts more is what he did
Can't let myself get hurt again
Can't let myself get mistreated

I'm tethered to my trauma
I'm hounded by my hurt
It's hard to hope for better
When all I know is the dirt
But, now I hold the shovel
Go deeper or get out?
It's hard to see a future
All my life I was taught doubt

Living as a fragment of human
I thought he could change all the math
Now I feel empty, next to nothing
Miss the days that I felt like a half