A Little Priest

That's all very well, but what we gonna do about him?

Later on when it's dark, we'll take him to some secret place and bury him

Of course we could do that
I don't 'spose he's got any relatives gonna come pokin' 'round lookin' for him
You know me
Bright ideas just poppin' to me head, and
I keep thinking...

Seems a downright shame

Shame?

Seems an awful waste
Such a nice, plump frame
What's-his-name has
Had
Has
Nor it can't be traced
Business needs a lift
Debts to be erased
Think of it as thrift
As a gift
If you get my drift, huh, no?
Seems an awful waste
I mean, with the price of meat
What it is
When you get it
If you get it

Ah!

Good, you got it!
Take, for instance, Mrs. Mooney and her pie shop!
Bus'ness never better using only pussycats and toast!
And a pussy's good for maybe six or seven at the most!
And I'm sure they can't compare as far as taste!

Mrs. Lovett, what a charming notion

Well, it does seem a waste (Eminently practical, yet appropriate as always)

Mrs. Lovett, how I've lived (It's an idea)
Without you all these years, I'll never know! (Think about it)
How delectable! (Lots of other gentlemen'll soon be coming for a shave)
Also undetectable! (Won't they? Think of all them pies!)

How choice!
How rare!
For what's the sound of the world out there?

What, Mr. Todd?
What, Mr. Todd?
What is that sound?

Those crunching noises pervading the air!

Yes, Mr. Todd!
Yes, Mr. Todd!
Yes, all around!

It's man devouring man, my dear!

And who are we to deny it in here?

These are desperate times, Mrs. Lovett
And desperate measures are called for!

Here we are! Hot from the oven!

What is that?

It's priest
Have a little priest

Is it really good?

Sir, it's too good, at least!
Then again, they don't commit sins of the flesh
So it's pretty fresh

Awful lot of fat

Only where it sat

Haven't you got poet, or something like that?

No, y'see, the trouble with poet is
How do you know it's deceased?
Try the priest!

Mmm! Hevaenly!
Not as hearty as bishop, perhaps
But then not as bland as curit, either

And good for business!
Always leaves you wantin' more
Trouble is we only get it in Sundays

Lawyer's rather nice

If it's for a price

Order something else, though, to follow
Since no one should swallow it twice!

Anything that's lean?

Well, then, if you're British and loyal
You might enjoy Royal Marine!
Anyway, it's clean
Though of course, it tastes of wherever it's been!

Is that squire, on the fire?

Mercy no, sir, look closer
You'll notice it's grocer!

Looks thicker
More like vicar!

No, it has to be grocer—
It's green!

The history of the world, my love—

Save a lot of graves
Do a lot of relatives favors!

Is those below serving those up above!

Ev'rybody shaves
So there should be plenty of flavors!

How gratifying for once to know

That those above will serve those down below!

Now let's see, we've got ... tinker?

Something pinker

Mmm, tailor?

Paler!

Potter?

Hotter!

Butler?

Subtler!

Locksmith?

Lovely bit of clark

Maybe for a lark

Then again they're sweet
If you want it cheap
And you like it dark
Try the financier
Peak of his career

That looks pretty rank

Well, he drank
It's a bank cashier
Last one really sold
Wasn't quite so old

Have you any beadle?

Next week, so I'm told
Beadle isn't bad 'til you smell it
And notice how well it's been greased
Stick to priest

Now this may be a bit stringy
Then again, it's fiddle player!

Oh, no, no, that's not fiddle player
That's piccolo player!

How can you tell?

Because — it's piping hot!

Then blow on it first!

The history of the world, my sweet

Oh, Mr. Todd
Ooh, Mr. Todd
What does it tell?

Is who gets eaten
And who gets to eat

And Mr. Todd
Too, Mr. Todd
Who gets to sell?

But fortunately it's all so clear

That everybody goes down where we fear

Since marine doesn't appeal to you
How about ... rear admiral?

Too salty!
I prefer general

With or without his privates?
With his extra!

What is that?

It's fop
Finest in the shop
Or we have some shepherd's pie peppered
With actual shepherd on top!
And I've just begun—
Here's the politician, so oily
It's served with a doily
Have one!

Put it on a bun
Well, you never know if it's going to run!

Try the friar
Fried, it's drier!

No, the clergy is really
Too coarse and too mealy!

Then actor
That's compacter!

Yes, and always arrives overdone!
I'll come again when you have judge on the menu!

Wait! True, we don't have judge yet
But we've got something you might fancy even better

What's that?

Executioner!

Have charity towards the world, my pet!

Yes, yes, I know, my love!

We'll take the customers that we can get!

High-born and low, my love!

We'll not discriminate great from small!
No, we'll serve anyone

Meaning anyone

And to anyone
At all!