i’m zoe (i’m lonely)

I'm Zoe, I'm lonely
People don't want to know me
I should be used to that by now
But it's something I dread

I'm crazy, not scary
I wish people would spare me
I wish that I could just get out
Of my head

I try to stay present
And not dwell on my past
But scars of resentment
They tend to last and last

I couldn't be further from the sun
It's really hard not to come undone
When I've never felt like I've had anyone
Sometimes I wish that I could just feel numb
But the thought that can't help but cross my mind—
"Would anyone notice if I weren't alive?"
And every time
I break down and cry

"I'm homely, I'm lowly
My feelings just control me"
These thoughts always just shout so loud
I'm hanging by a thread

I'm spacey, I carry
Baggage until it wears me
I wish there was another route
But every road's dead-end

I try to move forward
Just let go and move on
But feeling so tortured
Makes it hard to feel strong

I couldn't be further from the sun
It's really hard not to come undone
When I've never felt like I've had anyone
Sometimes I wish that I could just feel numb
But anxiety's often intertwined
With the thought that I'd wish to do more than just survive
And every time
It's both loud and quiet

And I'll block out all reason
Just to be self-destructive
And I'll always try to squeeze in
Too much to feel productive
Nothing's enough
Stuck in the mud
And I can't budge
Life's just too rough
Why won't it stop?
It's been so long
I'm overwrought
I don't belong

I couldn't be further from the sun
It's really hard not to come undone
When I've never felt like I've had anyone
Sometimes I wish that I could just feel numb
But the thought that can't help but cross my mind—
"Would anyone notice if I weren't alive?"
But anxiety's often intertwined
With the thought that I'd wish to do more than just survive
And every time
I break down and cry
It's both loud and quiet