Six Finger Handshake

I remember
I wanted to tell you, "I love you," when I told you, "I like you"
You said we could meet up again, up in Athens over the summer
I remember
I wanted to tell you when you sat in the back of that philosophy class
But I couldn't bring myself to do it
Because those three damn words ended my last three relationships
So now we sit in the botanical gardens
Waiting for the flowers to give me the oxygen
To filter my lungs
And go to my brain
To give me the thoughts
To ration the heart to ask you now

I wanna give you a six finger handshake
Not around your hand, but your body, if that makes sense
I just want to see what we can make
And if we can draw the most out from the less
I wanna be friends
I wanna be more than friends
I wanna be brothers
I wanna be your significant other
Or maybe something more specific than that
I want you to mold me however to your heart's content
So I can be the clay on top of your pedestal
And you can be my Patrick Swayze
Though I know you don't get that reference yet
(But soon you will)

I was stuck in a hospital in Valdosta for twelve whole days
I would've gotten out of there sooner if my
Doc wasn't so fixated on drugging me up
Instead of realizing what Asperger's was
I left there with more problems than I came in with
You called me the day right after I got out
You had so much concern in your voice
Turns out that was just the way you talked
But in that moment you were also expressing concern
My tongue and lips were all swollen
And my body would just constantly stiffen
Turns out, that was just a common reaction
To the medication I blame it on the misdiagnosis, but oh well
Oh well
I remember
I was on the verge of slurring all my words out in Blackbird's
But you knew to be patient!
And I appreciate you for that
I appreciate you for a lot of other reasons
But that is the one to which I will always return

I wanna give you a six finger handshake
Not around your hand but your bodice! If that makes sense
I wanna give unto you more than I take
Because you're a person deserving of that kind of love
I wanna show you the world
I wanna show the world you
I wanna give you it all
I wanna give you what's due
Because your rabbit-like anxiety has haunted you for far too long
You see the universe in amazing detail
Perhaps a little too outstanding for you to handle
But that's okay because I'll there to pick you up no matter what

And I know we have issues of our own
But we can work on them
And get better together
Together forever
Forever unsevered
And I know not everything's set in stone
But we can do that when we're dead
Because right now we're fluid
And we don't care that our bones tell us otherwise
As long as we're together
I'm certain we'll make it to the other side
I know that you're scared
But I'll be there to protect you every time

I wanna give you a six finger handshake
Well it doesn't even need to make sense to us anymore
We can dance to communicate and leave all our languages at the door
We can make our own music, kudzu leaves all on the floor
We can build our world, and still have things left to explore

♫

I can tell we have different worlds to express
But when we act on them it seems like we just do it to transgress
The way you wanna be makes me think you're better off as a hermit
But the way that I talk out makes you think that I am looking for a death wish
I know it's hard to explain your discomfort
In fact I know it's more irrational to ask for you to do so
Nothing's wrong with either state
It's just hard for me to congregate with you
Knowing what you're looking for

But in the end
Who are we
But empty cells
Transforming
I don't know how it feels
To be scared of drugs
You don't know how it feels
To be scared of love
We don't know how it feels
To be either or
So I guess that we will
Wait for it
In the end
To begin
In the end
We'll begin

♫

I'm sorry I'm so selfish
I've just been hellishly embellishing
Everything I've been writing down
I just wish I could do the same thing for these chords
So all my words for you will perfectly align
I'm slowly turning into you
And that would be okay
If we just both didn't hate ourselves
Cuz now I'm scared that you'll hate me too
I'm sorry
I've just grown so attached
That I'm terrified of the withdrawal
I've already been through a week without my medicine
Your love for me is heaven-sent
But I'm scared that I'm bleeding you dry
And this oasis is just a mirage
My intrusive thoughts will form a collage
And now my visions blurry again
But then you say it all will be okay
And that's enough for me to remain sane

Sorry for breaking down back there haha!
Listen, I know I'm not the best at writing stuff that make other people feel good
But you know more than anyone that practice makes perfect
People keep telling me that the best songs are always the saddest ones
As if they haven't heard "Run Away With Me" by Carly Rae Jepsen
Or really anything from her ground-breaking, critically acclaimed 2015 album E-MO-TION
I don't really know where I was going with that to be honest
But, but, but look, the whole point is that
I'm tired of trying to fight my fires with more fire
Especially when it comes with the added bonus of pessimistic elitism in all kinds of art
I'm tired of having to look at my compassion as a weakness
When it's the best drug I've ever taken
And it's all thanks to you

Woah hey!
Somebody get Will Toledo on the phone
I just want him to pick up and pass the celly to my partner
I just wanna see their face light up like
When they met 100 gecs
Outside that Brockhampton concert
It was somewhat awkward
But we get to relish in the moment right afterwards
We're living life just as we know it

Woah hey!
Someday I pray to get Wolfgun and Tally Hall
To play our anniversary somehow
But I hope this song will do for now
Because I got a long way to go
Til I'm in the Low Yoyo
Hendershot's, 40 Watt's, then to Clocked
I wanna be your peanut butter falafel burger with pistachio ice cream on top
Or you know, something just as important

I still have that heart-shaped leaf that you found
Last June on the dashboard of my car
It's dried up a bunch and I still hear the crunch
Every time that I turn the defroster on
But it's been there for almost a year now
If that's not a sign, then I don't know what
And with these metaphors out of the way
I just wanna hold you and say
Wïmutu

I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you!
Oh love, love
I love you oh oh
I love you oh oh
I love you, love you, oh
Oh oh, oh, oh oh oh
I'll love you until my heart stops beating
But as long as you're here
My heart will never stop beating for you
My heart will never stop beating for you
Oh oh
I'll love you even when we lose all of our form
Cuz you know that our souls will go on to become something more
We'll extend to become something more
Oh oh oh
I wanna give you a six finger handshake
So I can show you a flower with steel for a stem
I wanna give you a six finger handshake
I love you so much