Lying To Myself

Yeah
Summer's over, let the rain wash away my sins
Tsunamis couldn't even rinse what you did
But it's okay, girl just keep just what you say
I'm leaving tear stains all over the bed that you and I made
I'm seeing money more and friends less
I wonder if that's what they meant when they said I gotta pay interest
Something that my life lacks lately
Wondering if I picked the right tax agent
To keep my ends straight
Money over everything right, at least that's what my friends say
I know more about my money than my friends day
Or how my friends feeling
I think my most recent text that I replied to was from a Benz dealer
I spend my nights at this museum like I'm Ben Stiller
Never been to Pittsburgh but I've been stellar
Ben steeler

I write some of these bars just for an ego boost
I ain't some rapper that's gone talk about what he gone do
I push my power forward like what Hedo do
I draft well in the seventh round, I don't need to lose
Pressure every time I pick the pen up
I raise the bar and did chin ups
Nowadays I'm pissed and if I can't get the ball and get my Billups
I can't just let em screw with my drive like Phillips
I'm an uncle and I never even met my nephew
I been meaning, I'm just so forgetful
My life is so eventful
Between the drunken nights alone and the studio
It's so suspenseful
Real, edge of your seat flows
I used to spend my nights tryna deceit hoes
Or meet goals
And now she tryna leak those
Messages from when I was at a peak low
These women dirty I can't ever let em see me weak though

I know that i deserve some of the hate I receive
I'm hoping that I can keep that between you and me
Cause self awareness isn't glorified or normalized
Or whatever buzzword that the internet is enthralled with now
A bunch of fake worry from people that sage burn
And they flip they attention to whatever issue the page turn to
It's my turn to, take notice of the people I hurt too
Something y'all could learn too
I wasn't looking for love, I was looking for somebody I can learn through
And that's the issue
See I was looking for the body of a woman and to body instrumentals
Nothing on my mind, but motha fuck if that offends you
And now I'm picking up the pieces of my actions
I write songs like this simply as distractions
Yo make me feel like I'm doing something bigger than my passions
But I'm-
I'm just lying to myself again
Lying that I saw my friend
Lying that I know my end