an epilogue: 12/22

A year out from the day
And it still feels like yesterday
That some part of me died
Upon that slab of steel

Cuz when you think that you can swim
You don't expect the tides to pull you in
Especially when you're wading
Into rivers ankle deep

Now I'm haunting my own body
A ghost miserable and lost
The spirit of that January
And of everything it cost

How I wish I could return
To claim the parts of me that burned
Oh, I was mean at times
But least that was a choice
Ambition's waiting by the door
Finally returning from the war
But she's been gone so long
We can't recall her voice

It's a gold rush fever
Panning for the simplest bits of joy

How I used to get things done
And honey, Lord help anyone
That stood between me
And the empires I made

Now when shit gets hard I walk
And I can't stand it when I start to talk
I hate it more than you
That I can't put it in a grave

How I wish I could return
To claim the parts of me that burned
Oh, I was mean at times
But least that was a choice
Ambition's waiting by the door
Finally returning from the war
But she's been gone so long
We can't recall her voice

It's a gold rush fever
Panning for the simplest bits of

Joy

Moving on's a luxury
They'll say I can afford
But with pockets starved of gold dust
Babe, just how can I be sure
If time heals every wound
But no one mourns the wicked dead
Then she'll be trapped forever
With each sorry tear she shed

Cuz Bodies they remember
What the mind tries to forget
Bodies they remember
What the heart saw as a threat
My body it remembers
What the mind tried to forget
My body still remembers
What my heart saw as a threat

Wish I could return
To claim the parts of me that burned
Oh, I was mean at times
But least I made a choice
Ambition's waiting by the door
Finally returning from the war
But she's been gone so long

We can't recall

Like, anything at this point

How I wish I could return
To claim the parts of me that burned
Oh, I was mean at times
But least I wasn't gone
Ambition's waiting by the door
Finally returning from the war
But she's been gone so long
We've learn to carry on

It's a gold rush fever
Panning for a reason to be strong

[Somehow it feels like this is only the beginning
But I guess that means I'm getting better, doesn't it?

With how much the body remembers
Healing is not linear
But we find a start in the end
And go from there]