Find Me

If you're trying to find me, find me on the road
Stressed and trying to get away from home
I'm stuck somewhere on a hill in my car trying to be alone
Those sunset hours, catching the shut and close

The hours I really do feel the most
My phone on silent, trying to answer some calls
Trying to find peace of mind with the trauma I keep inside
Piling with my sadness so much that it should keep locked away

I never open up, this door I always close, it should shut
Tending with things I don't comprehend, understand or know
I deal with sadness so much, it grew accustomed to me, feeling so lost
There's a girl who's inside my past, she rains deep in my thoughts

Hoisting to remind me, good girl, bad timing
I hate myself, I was lost, trying to find me
You know, truthfully, I still haven't really found me
Still hate myself, so I think I should grow up by myself

And try to work on me
You know, I remember my old friend who always used to tell me
Bro, if you don't love yourself, you can't love nobody else
At the time I was 23, it didn't resonate with me then

But now I see that it's real
Maybe that's why I have scars in me that never really healed
I'm making the same mistakes, I can't really seem to stop
I have issues with women, I'm so codependent

I invite these women over for company
I open up to them, each of them can't refrain from falling in love with me
It's so stupid, I always think they have some kind of hidden agenda
So I call them out and they dip out and they leave me, be done with me

I hate that I don't love myself, I usually use women if I love that lack
I'm probably really fucking crazy
I know it's kind of wack, but I think people hate me when they may not
So when I feel like she doesn't like me, she hates me and moves to the next

You see, when I ghost them, they pull up to the crib like, what the fuck
Then she gets so upset that they learn I replaced and move on real quick
Abandoned issues, deep in my soul
And I think if I don't leave first, she will, so I go ghost

Just know I'm so sorry to the girls in my past
Create girls bad timing
When they start trying to find me
Been tricking therapy sessions, easing depression

Been trying to let go, become a better version of me
Where I shine the most
You see, wouldn't it be crazy if God had his plan for me all along
My tribulations would truly be worth it

Would it through my misery find my destiny
Would it through my misery brought the best in me
Would it through my misery brought the strength in me
Would it through my misery people can heal

And mend their broken souls
Who may feel as lost as me
Look, that's the message God's trying to show me
Wouldn't that be crazy

If you're trying to find me, find me on the roads
Stressed and trying to get away from home
I'm still somewhere on a hill in my car, trying to be alone
With sunset hours catching the shining glows

The hours I really do feel the most
My phone on silent, trying to ignore some calls
Trying to find peace of mind with the trauma I keep inside
But I don't let my sadness so much that it just keeps blocking the way

I never open up this door, I always close it shit shut
Tune with things I comprehend, understand and know