Pastor Charles' Sermon

Good Morning

(Good Morning)

It's so good to see you all here
1, 2, 3, yeah, we got a few
Now, this morning we're gonna jump into what matters most
The Blight bo Er The Bible
Now, there's a lot of talk about Church attendance
Being at a record low

(Oh no)

Now, some will say this is due to Patrick of Southtown
Destroying Christians in debates with logic reason and evidence

(Man, fuck That honky)

But I say Nahh it is clearly because folks have not been reading the Bible
See, I'm going to tell you what these other pastors won't

(Yeah) (uh huh) (I hear you)

That way when these heathens come around you'll be ready
And you'll humiliate them back to GOD

(Amen, Pastor Charles) (Yeah you Will)

Our God truly is a good one
So good that in Deuteronomy he threatens people with fever, inflammation, heat, drought, blight, mildew, dust, boils, ulcers, scurvy, itch, madness, blindness, disaster, panic, frustration, pestilence, consumption, confusion of mind, abuse, robbery, butchery, worms, cicadas, locusts, aliens, nakedness, cannibalism, diseases, dread, trembling heart, and languishing spirit

(Uhh)

Isn't it great that he will do those things for us or to you guys
So, the next time you feel these symptoms
And you think it's a bad thing
Just remember you may be experiencing the side effects of GOD

(Whoa! Okay)

How beautiful is that?
Here's a good one
Kings 2:23
"Some youths came from the city and mocked him, and said to him, "Go up, you bald head! Go up, you bald head!" So he turned around and looked at them, and pronounced a curse on them in the name of the Lord. And two female bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the youths."

(Is that the King James Version?)

This one really speaks to me cause I went through male-pattern baldness at a young age
And the kids they would... they... they would laugh at me

(Aw)

They... they chanted the exact same thing

(Awww)

AND I ALWAYS WANTED TO CURSE THEM

(oh!)

WITH DEATH

(ohh!)

(Easy Pastor) (Should I get him some water?) (holy water?)

Anyway, it took on such a big meaning to me

(Okay He's good now)

And, personal story but
I got it tattooed on my right ass cheek
Sometimes, I just have to stand there in the mirror and admire it
You know, really take take it in
I know some in the congregation have seen the beauty of it but
Now, I know what your thinking
"It's the Old Testament so it's irrelevant"
But Matthew 5:17 tells us Jesus came not to abolish the law, but to fulfill it
And there are plenty good scriptures in the New Testament anyway
Here, we see the true character of greatness that Jesus has
Like in Matthew 15
Here he calls a woman a dog and refuses to heal her daughter because she wasn't Jewish

(What?)

But, you know what's amazing about it?
She showed good faith and then she was healed Even though she wasn't Jewish
This was the moment Jesus realized he was sent for the Nations
And not sent to be an asshole
How beautiful is that?
This shows that as long as you live submissively
Love your enemy
If someone wants to sue you and take your shirt
You should let them and give them your cloak as well like Matthew 5:40 says

Then, you will inherit the kingdom of Yahweh
Don't worry about the group of people who rejected Christ and follow books saying an eye for an eye, to plummet your things, to kill you and all that other evil nonsense

(Goodness)

Oh yeah, folks, there is real evil within the Talmud saying to kill a gentile if one tries to read it
But, we don't need to read it
Cause our books are the truth
The ones that were given to us by the same Talmud followers who rejected these books

(Man) (shit's getting weird)

We know it's wrong to follow books that promote slavery
That's why we follow the ones on how to be a slave instead
See, Those are the old ways and they just haven't learned that the passive scriptures are the way to go yet
(So, that's why Jews rule over so many Nations, right?)
Whoa! Jews do NOT rule over many Nations
That is AntiSemitic, but they SHOULD rule over the nations
Because Deuteronomy 15:6 says so
"You will rule over many Nations, but those Nations will not rule over you"
That's Yahauh talking to the Jews
And let's not forget Genesis 49:9
"Judah is like a lion, Killing his victim and returning to his den, Stretching out and lying down. No one dares disturb him."
Or Genesis 12:3
"I will bless those who bless Israel and I will curse those who curse Israel"

(Sounds like a Setup!)

It's not a setup bitch it's the damn word of God
See, this is why Timothy 2:12 tells women to shut up
(*clicks tongue* *scoffs*)
Blasphemous hoes
Mad cause they can't read my ass scripture

(Whatever)

I'm a man of God, bitch, that's why
Now anyway, God promised Abraham's descendants a blessed Nation and also to receive goods from the Nations his seed did not build in Joshua 24:13
"I gave you a land on which you had not labored and cities that you had not built, and you dwell in them. You eat the fruit of vineyards and olive orchards that you did not plant."
God is promising his chosen people to receive things that others labored

(But, Pastor These things happened in history and in was wrong)

The devil said it was wrong, Bob
Yahweh wants you to steal and enslave
Well, not you cause you're not chosen, Bob
Hell, even Jesus was a Jewish Supremacist
But, if I haven't convinced you to stand with Jerusalem yet
Zachariah 14:2
"I will gather all the nations against Jerusalem for battle. Their houses will be looted, and their women will be raped."
You don't want our women raped, do you?

(That's awful)

Then, you better stand with Israel
Now, based on the history I have discussed here
There was a reason Saul changed his name to Paul and continued to practice Judaism while converting gentiles to Christianity
Just like all of the other saints throughout history

(Controlled opposition?)
(Definitely controlled opposition) (Yeah)

No! He had to practice Judaism in order for prophecy to come true
How are you not getting this?
(I'm done, man)
Wait, why is everyone leaving?
Don't go
Man, people always leave me cause they can't handle the truth
(Yeah, that's why)
The Bible said I would be persecuted and hated
It's coming true, you better wake up, folks
Well, okay, but don't forget to download my new single "Yah Way"
Two words "Yah" "Way"
Cause we do things the Yah Way
It features rapper Yahwehzy
He's like Lil Wayne, but Godly

(Hey man, Maybe Patrick was right)
(Yeah, let's go make a blót, Bob, I need one after this)
(Shit, me too)
*Door Closes*

Well, I guess it's back to cleaning the streets of Jerusalem for me
Yahweh can't fulfill these prophecies on his own
You! Playing the organ
Do you want to come clean the streets of Jerusalem?
Maybe build a Temple?

(Hell no)

The narrow Path, Charles, the narrow path

Pastor Charles ended up leaving the church later that day. After cashing Rabbi Yahakerach's fat ass check, he packed his bags and moved to Rome
Here he would pursue his interest in helping troubled Youths who face the tragedies of fever, inflammation, heat, drought, blight, mildew, dust, boils, ulcers, scurvy, itch, madness, blindness, disaster, panic, frustration, pestilence, consumption, confusion of mind, abuse, robbery, butchery, worms, cicadas, locusts, aliens, nakedness, cannibalism, diseases, dread, trembling heart, and languishing spirit