Christmas Time Again (Dear Craig)

There's a man looking out of his window
Looking up at the sky, and he's waiting on you
Thirty-three and he still believes in Santa
For eleven months there's nothing to do
All his life he's been in and out of rehab
And all the shrinks said sorry, I'm passing on you
All he wants is the season of December
Only Christmas will do

He doesn't do Easter because he's lactose intolerant
And he really hates the summertime because it's way too damn hot
And he will not do October because he cannot stand the spooks
No, Craig can't wait for Christmas time this year

Dear Craig, this is for you
He replies to an ad, can his dreams come true?
At the mall, he could finally meet Santa
But he wakes up and sees that we're only in June
The sun beaming down it doesn't help his anger
Six more gruelling months of nothing to do
Every day he's trying to crack a smile
When will this end?

He'll take a pass on Valentine's Day because love's too hard to find
And he despises the new year because last week's left behind
He is sick of all this waiting, only one event will do
Yeah Craig can't wait for Christmas

Red alert, news just in
Christmas has been cancelled
What will he do, what can he do, nothing to do
Craig is horrified as he's reading down his socials
He stands up fast and hits his head, he hits his head
Craig wakes up new

There's a man looking out of his window
Friends walk by Craig says how do you do
He can't wait to spend the summer in his garden
He's even booked a holiday on a cruise for two
As it creeps up slowly towards winter
Craig finds there's now so much to do
He looks forward to and enjoys all the seasons
But one event won't do

Craig really loves Easter now he's dairy free, no moo
And he smiles at the summertime, he finds so much to do
But his favourite is October and he'll scare you half to death
But Craig now hates on one thing
Craig can't wait for Christmas time to end