No Reason Boner

This song is about a problem that I have

Frequently

There are three (three, three) kinds of erections
Some are sexual
Some occur during periods of nervous tension
But there's a mysterious third kind
That no one really understands
It happens when your schlong decides to take matters into its own hands
No reason boner
No reason boner
It baffles scientists
No reason boner

This morning I was having breakfast
At the midtown diner
The bagel was delicous and the coleslaw couldn't be finer
Got a weird look from the waitress
When I asked her for the check
I looked down and realized I was 100% erect
No reason boner
No reason boner
I like coleslaw but not that much
No reason boner
Hi, welcome to the post office!
Thanks! I just need to mail this package
No problem. Just place it on the scale!
Sure thing!
Oh
Oh God, I
I can't right now
Why not?
I, I have to go
I have a, uh
Doctor's appointment at the dentist's
Now things are a little awkward
Between my mailman and I
That was not my best lie, I was just covering up for my
No reason boner
No reason boner
That was the wrong kind of package to mail
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Hi! Welcome to the zoo!
Great! I love the zoo! Look at all those monkeys!
Actually, those technically aren't monkeys. They're macaques
Wow! Macaque's really hairy!

Uh... so what time does the zoo close?
About eight o'clock
Great! That gives me a chance to-
Oh God
Oh, not-
Not now
Not in front of the children!
Why have you forsaken me, Lord?!
This is no laughing matter
This is not some kind of game
I can tuck away my johnson but I can never tuck away the shame
It can happen anytime
It can happen anywhere
When the Lochness Monster decides he wants to randomly come up for air
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Oh
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You're ruining my life
No reason boner
No reason boner
No reason boner

Why?

Boner