The Graduation Song

For the past eighteen years
Your life's been pretty smooth
Let's take a moment and reflect
On all you've had to do

You've rolled out of bed
And strolled to the living room
And watched Cartoon Network
While your mom made waffles for you

Your laundry was magically clean
And your dad's back pocket was an ATM machine
Your life's biggest worry was what to wear to the prom
And your only regret was that incident
With the stink bomb

Do you hear that subtle sound?
That's the sound of reality
about to slap the taste out your mouth
Now you're on your own
You should be scared
But we can tell
You don't care
Why don't you care?
You should be frightened

You're young and now you're free
The world is your oyster
We have no clue what that means
But let us paint a picture of your future

You're gonna eat a lot of Hot Pockets
And you're thinkin' that sounds great
Well get back to us in six months
When you've had three hundred and seventy-eight

As soon as you move out
You know what your parents are gonna do
They're gonna turn your bedroom into an exercise room
That they never use

And you won't use lockers in college
And this might be a total bummer
There are no yearbooks either
You'll actually have to say
'Have a great summer'

Do you feel that gentle breeze?
It's the category five hurricane of adulthood
About to hit you upside the head with a tree
Now you're on your own
Don't screw this up
You're on your own
Good luck

You're gonna need it