Don't Marry Me

You are young and beautiful,
Sweet as the breath of May.
Earnestly I speak to you.
Weigh ev'ry word I say.

If you want to have a rosy future
And be happy as a honey bee,
With a husband who will always love you,
Baby, Don't marry me.

If you want a man you can depend on,
I can absolutely guarantee
I will never fail to disappoint you,
Baby, Don't marry me.

I eat litchie nuts and cookies in bed
And I fill the bed with nutshells and crumbs.
I have irritating habits you'll dread,
Like the way I have of cracking my thumbs.

My grandpa was a big game hunter,
He met grandma swinging on a tree.
If you want to have attactive children,
Baby, Don't marry me.

Sliding up and down their father's knee.--
They'll get splinters in their little fannies,
Cookie, Don't marry me.

I'm devoted to my dear old Mama,
And if you and Mama disagree,
I would always side with her against you,
Schnookie, Don't marry me.

I don't like a man to keep me in doubt.--
Honey that's a thing that's easy to know,
You will always know where I am, I'm out!

I am talking like a Chinese uncle.
I'm as serious as I can be.
I am saying this because I love you,
Darling, Don't marry me!