If I Were a Girl

If I were a girl

If I were a girl
For even just one day
I'd be the kind of girl that's
Making her own way in life
With some power and some class
I'd be kind and generous
With just a little sass
But chances are I'd never leave home

Cuz I got boobs and a hoo hoo
And nothing really better to do
Than me
With a magic wand from Hitachi
My friends would often ask me why my clothes are all askew
And I'd be digging in my pockets like I was a kangaroo
Cuz nature will have blessed me with a man in a canoe
I've got boobs (boobs) and a hoo hoo
I've got boobs (boobs) and a hoo ooo ooo ooo
Ooooh!

If I was a girl
Things would be so clear
I'd spend a couple hours just standing over a mirror for fun
Try to make it smile then frown
Dye the hair a rainbow
Dress it up like a clown
Cuz now it's a two ring circus in my pants

Cuz I got boobs and a hoo hoo
And nothing really better to do
Than me
With a bunny that takes batteries
I'll have to try and figure how to get inside a bra
It'll likely end up backwards and I'll rub my nay nays raw
So throw it in the trash and flaunt them in their big debut
I've got boobs (boobs) and hoo hoooooo
I've got boobs (boobs) and a hoo ooo ooo ooo
Boobies! (and a hoo ooo)
(Hoo)

I'll probably be a lesbian
Because most of them
Alright some of them
OK a few of them
Are less hairy than men

If I was a girl I'd never wear no panties
A pure man tease
Go hikin' in the Andes
With nothing but a bra
(But it's freezing!)
You're damn right
Cold temperature activates the headlights
Cuz men get hypnotized by the hips and thighs
Boobies and the hoo hoo
That's the big surprise
Get the mansion and the yacht
Never give up what I got
(I'm on top of the world!)
I'd be like all the other girls
Damn

If I were a girl
I'd call up all the dudes
I'd say come over man you've got to see my hooters
They're huge
I'm having trouble standing up
I don't even know if Playtex makes a G cup
And where the hell am I bleeding from?

I don't want boobs or a hoo hoo
I never knew how much it blew
To be
Excited about potpourri
My stomach's is all crampy and my butt is getting huge
And I'd love to kill the bastard that invented high heeled shoes
I had plans to teach my south mouth how to blow in a kazoo

But I don't want boobs (boobs) or a hoo hoooo
I don't want boobs (boobs) or a hoo hoooo
It's too much trouble, (boobs) that darn hoo hoooo
What are you staring at you pervert at my hoo hooo
Why are you leaving, don't leave me and my hoo hooo
If you leave the toilet seat up
Again you're not getting anymore hoo hoooo
You never bring me flowers for my hoo hooo
Oprah says you're an asshole and a hoo hooo
Don't you love me anymore and my hoo hoooo?
I need chocolate!