Paperboy: The Musical

TIRE GUY:
It's a lovely Monday morning;
my ex is still asleep...
I'll take off all her tires
and roll them down the street.

It sounds a bit vindictive,
but I swear it's nothing new;
I've been doing it for weeks now!
Rolling wheels is what I do!

Hey Mr. Johnson! Stealing your girlfriend's wheels again?

TIRE GUY:
You betcha!

Well, watch out! She looks pretty mad!

TIRE GUY:
Huh?

I'm on a walk with Junior,
like any other day.
I'm not sure how it happened,
but the baby's rolled away!

I'd positively panic,
but it happened last week, too.
Plus I'm just the babysitter!
Losing children's what I do.

Baby's rolling down Easy Street-

Oh, that baby!

PANTS GUY:
I'm tryin'a get my pants on,
but they're really freaking tight-
Why I'm in the street,
I haven't got a clue...

CRAZY LADY:
At precisely 9: 08,
I come out my door and wait
and leave out alluring bait
for the Paperboy I hate!

CAR GUY:
Laying beneath cars is what I do!

Give me all your money!
And put it in this bag!
I need it for my wife cause she's a
shopaholic hag!

Hey, come on! Make it snappy!
This ain't no deja vu!
I rob you almost daily,
because robbing's what I do-

I don't get all this fuss-
I'm just a normal guy,
who takes his normal walks,
and collects souls when people die.

I'd love to read the funnies,
or the entertainment news-

I'm not that weird;
it's just a thing I do!