Calling You

it must have been 3 a.
m.
when the text came in,
the sum of my fears
my stomach bendin, my thumb was tremblin, no pun intended but I wanted to die when I saw it was Him and it read," KB THIS TIME IT'
S REAL.
HOMIE I CAN'
T LIVE ."
it was in all caps,
but I know he had no caps on his guns or his pills
so I ripped out the door, all the covers down on the floor,
no shoes I just walk on my tears calling him over and over and over again while I'm throwing the car into gear, could he be so selfish?
why wont he answer?(answer)
He answered!
Jason?
Hello?
beep beep beep suicide, suicide, suicide, got one in the chamber that's waitin to take Ya right out tonight don't roll the dice, roll the dice, role the dice, it all on the table it's all for the takin but what's the odds? (yeah) I parked in The Street, left the car with the keys, should I call the police?
what if he turns it on me?
then I looked up, is that him over the sink?
I can't think.
my tongue is as heavy as my heart I can't speak, everytime I blink, imma step closer, my heart about to burst as I close up on the front door and give the door bell a ring, it was unlocked so I ran to the top stair case as in staring at a case on the floor Jason, open up. " continued to knock " Jason, open up." "you ain't gotta do this, what about the kids?
don't go Judas, you got reason to live, we can get through this, don't give in!" then I heard movement and a voice I'll never forget He said, " STOP IT!
STOP IT!
I'
M ABOUT TA COCK IT!
You barely called back when I was in Iraq, just leave homeboy I got this.
you know the truth is, I had to shoot kids.
I'm so guilty!
and God might let it go(open the door) but I'll never forgive me." "oh why not?" "the army never trained me to care.
you don't know the horror of livin in a warzone and then coming back to civilian affairs.
I made my bed, the tables were set, my wife moved out, I don't see my kids, everything that gave me meaning is gone, grief to the seeds and it bleeds to the bone!
I WANT OUT!" no I ain't have a word, not a story not a verse, just silence, I'm trying not to make this worse I prayed, I goggled a search, nothing from school that will work, but I grew up in Church, so what do I do?
I just fell on my knees and I started to blurt, " I don't understand this, I dont understand this, but you've been looking to weed and them dancers, don't be conned by the ye, nobody in the west got the answer, let's get established your life is not yours to demand it, you can't do what you please, Jason, I love you but the next step is God, homie.
You ain't escaping a thing.
You know Jesus He wanted to die in that garden, acquainted to man up his sorrows, but He kept up the fight, because He knew joy it was coming tomorrow.
you haven't squeezed that revolver, cuz you know that there's hope at the end of the tunnel, embrace it, no matter how faint it, God is not silent please hear what He's *gunshot*(saying) JASON!

*911 call*