To Catch a Predator

I'm on the internet, posing as a little girl
I'm trying to lure evil into my world
I tell 'em that I'm curious, and I'm only twelve
Mom and dad are gone for the day, I'm by myself, urgh!

Buckets that I throw up are next to my computer
Hoping that they show up, 'cause what I'm about to do to 'em
Would make the Devil sick, I sharpen my blade
Fronting to this perv like I'm only in the seventh grade

The doorbell rings, I gotta get him inside
In my best little girl's voice, I'm like, "Hi! Come on in! I'm putting on my bikini!"
Huh, and when the door shuts, that's when I let 'em see me

"Hi there," I stab 'em in the neck first
'Cause it hurts, get 'em where the blood squirts
Carve his whole face off and make him eat it
Chain him up by the foot in the basement, bleeding

I'm prob'ly gonna burn for this
Ain't no lesson to learn from this
There's nothing I'ma earn
But it sure is fun (to catch a predator)
I said it sure is fun (to catch a predator)
And it sure is fun (to catch a predator)

I'm prob'ly gonna burn for this
Ain't no lesson to learn from this
There's nothing I'ma earn
But it sure is fun (to catch a predator)
I said it sure is fun (to catch a predator)

Soon enough, feds will be shutting down my service
'Cause people out there, think they don't deserve this (ha)
Until it's your kid an old man's finger fucking
Titty sucking, then you want the knife stuck in
I don't blame you, that's why I catch 'em in advance
While his dick is still in his pants, they never get the chance

I tell 'em I'm alone and I'm only thirteen
"Looking for a good time, you know what I mean?"
Bring me some Funyuns and a Slurpee
"Promise not to hurt me, or give me Herpes"

And within twenty minutes, here comes a fucking doctor
Knocking on my door, a pedophile butt-knocker
"Come in, have a seat," and then I stroll in
With the all-purpose hunting blade straight up his colon
I cut his hands off, he ain't touching nobody
Chain him up by the foot in the basement, bloody

Wait, please, mister clown, sir, you don't have to do-
Zip it!
Wait, please! I've got money, we can-
Shut it, fucker!
Please we can work this out!
Silence, I said!

Stick him next to this other fool, both left for dead
Every time I walk by him, I punch him in the head
Cut they fucking dicks off, stick 'em in each others mouths
Now what y'all talking about?

I'm prob'ly gonna burn for this
Ain't no lesson to learn from this
There's nothing I'ma earn
But it sure is fun (to catch a predator)
I said it sure is fun (to catch a predator)
And it sure is fun (to catch a predator)

I'm prob'ly gonna burn for this
Ain't no lesson to learn from this
There's nothing I'ma earn
But it sure is fun (to catch a predator)
I said it sure is fun (to catch a predator)

What's in the bag?
Funyuns and condoms
What's in the bag?
Funyuns and condoms

What's in the bag?
Funyuns and condoms
Why did you bring condoms?
I didn't mean to!

The house is getting funky, bodies in the basement, stinking
What the fuck am I thinking?
I put my face paint on, go downstairs and
Beat they ass sometimes
'Cause it ease my mind

Some of them are dead, and some are still living
But I'ma hurt 'em every chance that I'm given
I hit 'em with the nail gun, or the stun gun
They can't run, so they both mad fun

I was sawing a head off when I heard the doorbell
I'm not expecting any predators, but oh well
I took my spot, "Come in, I'll be right there!"
But I left a head sitting on the living room chair

He seen it and ran, I had to give chase
We cut across the lawn with my knife swinging for his face
I threw it, stuck him in the back of the neck
Still in my drawers, I dragged him home a bloody wreck

"Ah! Somebody, anybody!"
"Zip it!"
"Stop, please!"
"Shut it the fuck up!"
"Ah!"
"People are looking, silence!"

A bus full of high school kids watched it happen
He kept screaming like a pansy despite my slapping
Plus the neighbors seen it, and so did the mailman
But they all never said nothin' 'bout it again

I'm prob'ly gonna burn for this
Ain't no lesson to learn from this
There's nothing I'ma earn
But it sure is fun (to catch a predator)
I said it sure is fun (to catch a predator)
And it sure is fun (to catch a predator)

I'm prob'ly gonna burn for this
Ain't no lesson to learn from this
There's nothing I'ma earn
But it sure is fun (to catch a predator)
I said it sure is fun (to catch a predator)

Yo! Liz!
Meanwhile, back at the house
Hey! Come on in! What kind of alcohol did you bring?
I brought Absolute Citron, I brought Mandarin Orange, I brought a shot of Jägermeister
Wow!

In several cases, the men were asked to bring food, alcohol, and condoms
Law enforcement says this helps show an intent to solicit a minor, what do we got here?
A bag of Funyuns
Funyuns? What about condoms? Did you bring condoms?
(I did)
You did?