Irv!

(Ladies and Gentlemen,
Captain Ambivalent is proud to present
A new musical based on the life of Irv Kaputnik,
The inventor of dental floss.
Return with us now to that fateful day
When Irv Kaputnik came home from his dead end job
To find a bunch of kids playing tug of war in the alley)

"Well they use a rope to pull each other through the dirt
But perhaps that same rope might be used for cleaning dirt
From in between some close together things
Like picket fences, motor parts, or teeth!"

So he ran inside to tell his wife and she just scoffed
He protested, "But I'm naming it after you, dear Floss!"
And in the night, a hundred voices scream
"Irv Kaputnik, don't give up your dream!"

'Cause that rope they used to pull each other through the dirt
Well you know that same rope can be used for cleaning dirt
From in between some close together things
Like picket fences, teeth
And you and me!

We'll floss the world, Irv, come on
We'll floss the world, Irv, come on
We'll floss the world, Irv, come on
We'll floss the world
Yeah
Irv