Fruitcake Makes Me Puke

You know when I think about Christmas one of my favorite thoughts is the food
Turkey and dressing, cranberry sauce, green beans and cornbread
Makes your mouth kinda watery just thinking about it, doesn't it?
But then I always remember that one relative that brings that food that nobody likes
Fruitcake
I've never even seen anybody eat fruitcake
In fact I think if I had to eat a piece of fruitcake I'd vomit
And that's what this next song is about
Me and my buddy wrote it, it's called "Fruitcake Makes Me Puke"

Every year at Christmas time my friends all like to bake
They make cookies rolls and bread and ham and pie
For some weird reason, they all send me a fruitcake
And when I tell them that I ate it, it's a lie

I use them as an anchor for my boat out on the lake
I made barbells for my cousins, Merv and Luke
But if I try to eat some, my intestines start to quake
'Cause fruitcake makes me puke

Fruitcake makes me puke
It happens every time I eat it
So I know it's not a fluke
Fruitcake makes me puke
That's the one thing about Christmas
That no one can dispute
Fruitcake makes me puke

I keep one in my office
That's a handy pave away
I heard they're used as hammers and the muke
But when I try to eat some
I can't get it off the plate
'Cause fruitcake makes me puke

Fruitcake makes me puke
It happens every time I eat it
So I know it's not a fluke
Fruitcake makes me puke
It's the one thing about Christmas
That no one can dispute
Fruitcake makes me puke

And the main thing about fruitcake
That I have found
It looks the same way coming up
As it is going down

Fruitcake makes me puke
It happens every time I eat it
So I know it's not a fluke
Fruitcake makes me puke
That's the one thing about Christmas
That no one can dispute
Fruitcake makes me puke

Yeah, that's the one thing about Christmas
That my family can't dispute
Fruitcake makes me puke
(Puke) Oh thank you so much for the fruitcake
Merry Christmas, thank you, no I love you
(Puke) Oh man where am I gonna hide this thing
Another fruitcake (Puke)