Only My Winnings

How can I make it
how can I do this
how can I rate it
it will never be enough

Don't seem to stop it
never grown out of it
never wear it out
never shake it off

Paralysation
so puzzeled about it
and no one seems to be who
they claimed at first hello

So dissapointed
'though it all pointed
a recommendation
of letting it all go

So I built a little house for my self
in a new country where no one could see
all my mistakes and all my troubles
only my winnings could reach through the door

Everythings floating
I don't seem to cope with
this fucked up behavious
what have I become

I don't wanna mention
don't wanna name it
I just wanna sleep now
don't wanna make a fuzz

Without paying the hour
I become my own councelor
I see all the patterns
an ancient spell

But no solution
I got no solution
instead I just push it
push it 'til I fall

So I drilled a little hole in my chest
to put off the pressure
steaming from within
all my mistakes and all my troubles
only my winnings would reach through the skin

So I drilled a little hole in my head
to let out some demons
that keeps feeding on my brain
all my mistakes and all my troubles
only my winnings would reach through my mouth