Dubb's Talking Religion Blues

I was standing on a Des Moines corner one day
When this fella said, "You know what Jesus had to say?"
I said, "I'm not sure which Jesus you talking about."
He said, "I'm talking about the one that saved my life."
I said, "You can't mean the Gardner of my ex wife?"
He said, "No, I'm talking 'bout, the only route."
I said, "Look here, what you say?"
He said, "I'm talking 'bout the light and the only way
To save your soul from hell and eternal dam-a-nation."
"Are you tellin' me if I don't believe the way you believe
That hell is the final resting place for me?"
He said, "Yeah." I said,
"I didn't realize I was in that bad of a situation!"
He said, "Have you read the bible?" I said, "Not all the way through."
He said, "That's something you oughta' do
'Cause every word is truth and proven fact."
I said,"You take the bible literally?
He thought for a moment, and said, "I do really."
I said, "Well I got a problem concerning that."
"Now you take the book Leviticus
Don't you think that some of those things in there are ridiculous?
Like you can stone your kid if he talks back to you
And if your sideburns get too long
They can whup on you 'cause they know that's wrong
You gonna' tell me those are Christian like things to do?
Now how about Jonah and the whale?
How can you go in the mouth and not come out the tail?
That right there has always puzzled me."
He said, "Well you don't need to be puzzled no more
It was a miracle that brought Jonah to the shore
The whale spit him out and sailed on out to sea."
I said, "What you think about evolution?"
He said, "You're talking 'bout the evil solution
We all come from the garden of eden and it's sacred soil."
"Well how you explain carbon dating?"
"That's scientific heathen mis-information
God worked six days and on the seventh day rested from his toil."
"How you know God's a man?
Could be a woman you understand
Or a combination of both, what do you think of that?"
He laughed and said, "That could never be
God's a he and not a she
It's written in the Bible and everybody knows that's fact."
"Well I've heard that Bible's been changed
Because when you translate words sometimes the meanings ain't the same
In fact they even left some of those chapters out
And nefarious leaders doing dastardly deeds
So what could be maybe ain't what it seems
Don't you think to a thinking mind
that's got to raise a little doubt?"
He said,"My friend you question wrong
'Cause I'm just here to take you home
And brother, I just want to save your soul."
"We became brothers and friends real fast
Like two ex wives coming together to kick my...
I believe its time for this boy to be told."
You preach and you can proselytize
Tell me how to live my life
And it's all done in your God's name
Now me and God we doing alright
By the Golden Rule I try to live my life
But zealots like you don't feel the same
Most Christians I know ain't like you
They believe in Jesus and his teachings too
But their words heal rather than inflame
So somebody get my BB Gun
I'm gonna shoot this boy in the bum
Because if I shot him in the head, I'd miss his brain
"You speak softly but your message is hard
Saying your way is the only way to God
But I'm here to tell you I don't agree
If we're all children of God, we're all brothers
How can just your chosen go to heaven and not the others?
That kind of thinking just don't sit right with me
What about the native Americans walked here first
Saw God in the sky, the rivers and the earth
You gonna tell me they ain't goin' to heaven?
He said, "Nope, they shall be denied
Because they did not know of the one crucified."
"That makes as much sense to me as two and two is seven."
"I think Jesus was a great prophet, one of the few
Come here to speak a simple truth
Like respecting others and living by the golden rule
But you don't respect my right to believe
The way I hear God speaks to me
So the way I see it, there ain't much Christian in what you do
Well this is the end of you and me, 'cause right now I'm gonna' leave
Because conversating with you ain't nothing but flawed
But there's one thing I want you to know
And I'll tell you before I go
I believe an honest prayer will find the ear of God."