Dogwood

How could you just throw this all away?
We built this home, we built a family.
What, why do you think this is easy for me?
Everything's loud and I just want quiet, please.

If you needed it all along
you should've told us a while ago
instead of shutting yourself off,
instead of acting like you don't belong.
Well I don't, you can't tell me what to feel,
When I still feel so hollow,
surrounded by love but still alone.
That's what hurts me most
knowing that I'm loved
and not being good enough
to keep up with everyone.
Why would you place your faith in me?
I was never strong cause I choked
another opportunity,
I'll go back home with what's left of me.

We both ran from mistakes
we left behind.
Did it help at all?
Cause I still feel them in my spine.
They break it down;
numbness as if paralyzed.
I hear the thorns growing,
the dogwood forming my demise.

Familiar in the strangest place,
the height of hell with a saving grace.
You don't mean that,
please don't think that.
Are you afraid to call this home?
The fear you hear is an undertone.
But it's not so quiet,
wish it were quiet.

You'll regret this
if you leave.
And you'll forget me
when I'm gone.
Just be honest, I know it's not easy,
When I arrive
they'll forget their palms.

There's nothing for me
I'm just living for nothing.
Dirty and helpless
come pick up this garbage.
I'll drown myself in that lagoon
it's a dumpster
to all of the things that I can't accomplish,
Stop this.
no fuck this, this place is so haunted
memories die but they live on this concrete
and walk like they're human but dearly departed,
a kingdom of graves, devoid of all solace.

I'll fall apart like the rest of them.
Lose myself with all my kin.
Cause I don't see a life worth living
if I don't die a saint, then I'll die as a sinner.

Fall apart like the rest of them.
Lose myself, then I'll lose my pain.
Cause I don't see a life worth living
if I don't die a saint.