Be a Dentist

When I was young and just a bad little kid
My momma noticed funny things I did
Like shooting puppies with a BB gun
I poisoned Guppies and when I was done

I'd find a pussy cat and bash in it's head
That's when my momma said
What did she say?
She said my boy, I think someday
You'll find a way to make your natural tendencies pay

You'll be a dentist (you'll be a dentist)
You have a talent for causing things pain (pain)
Son, be a dentist (son, be a dentist)
People will pay you to be inhumane (inhumane)
Your temperament's wrong for priesthood
And teaching would suit you still less
Son, be a dentist
You'll be a success

Here he is girls, the leader of the plaque
Watch him suck up that gas, oh my God
He's a dentist and he'll never ever be any good
Who wants their teeth done by the Marquee de Sade
Oh that hurts, I'm not numb
Ah shut up, open wide, here I come

I am your dentist (goodness gracious)
And I enjoy the career that I picked (you love it)
I am your dentist (just embrace it)
And I get off on the pain I inflict (you really love it)
I thrill when I drill a bicuspid (don't try it)
It swell, they tell me I'm mad, I'm just a (dentist)
And though it may cause my patients distress (distress)
I know that somewhere, somewhere in heaven above me
I know, I know my momma's proud of me
'Cause I'm a dentist
And a success

Say ahh (ahh)
Say ahh (ahh)
Say ahh (ahh)
Now spit!