The Maggot

Spaceman, blow up...

Oh, maggot, he's a modern day fagan
Turfing out your pockets like a christian burns a pagan
Dripping with charm, style and panache
He'll leave you sore like a venereal rash

They tried to catch him, he says, 'time to dash'
He always leaves a party with a wallet full of cash
He's a bastard, but he's always looking flash
With his shoes like Dick Turpin, across his waist he wears a sash

Sporting top hat, with a pocket watch too
The tallest member of the goldie lookin' crew
Watch out if he's there when you're pissed
He learnt his science from the man, Oliver Twist

Of his crimes, we tried to compile a list
Selling sexy DVD's of a willy being kissed
Stealing pensions on the old and infirm
Made a fortune selling doctors fake sperm

Like Charles Dickens, there's a lesson to be learned
Beware the maggot cos the worm has turned
Whoop... whoop... whoop
All of you shall witness the day that Babylon shall fall

Just like Jack The Ripper, he'll do you up a kipper
And he's like a highway man holding up a newborn nipper
He's smarter than Sherlock Holmes, alright, he beats Taggart
I'm dapper, refined and they call me the maggot

Turn your back and your pocket, he will pick
His eyes and talons are fukin' deadly equipped
Like a chameleon, i'm the master thief
Using a disguise, dressed like Penelope Keith

You gotta smoke a reefer or two
You gotta smoke a reefer or two
You gotta smoke a reefer or two
You gotta smoke a reefer or two

I steal money and hide it in my rectal hole
Taking belongings in my ultimate goal
I'll take your china, your silver and your soul
By darkness and night, I shimmy up the drain-pipe

The maggot, the maggot, that's who I am
Don't ever trust me, always doing a scam
I punched a woman and stole the baby and a pram
I even sliced my penis up and sold it as ham

Gold chains and watches, maggot's got plenty
He pinched them from ladies and upset the gentry
Like Sherlock Holmes bumming Watson, it's elementary
He's the modern day menace of the nineteenth century

A gentleman thief, a scholar and a rogue
Doing the locomotion like Kylie Minogue
He's got the strength of ten, like a maniac
And i'm also identified as Spring-heeled Jack

Whoa, here he comes, watch out, son, he'll rip you off
Whoa, here he comes, he's a money grabbing bastard from Newport

I'm maggot with the GLC
Big shout to all the Valleys
Free Dick Turpin and the ring stinger
Big up to Dipper Nan
Merthyr Connection
Postman Port, big shout out to Postman Port

And Mark, running the bar
Always sorts it
Big up Hafodrynys hotel
Big up to pontllanfraith crew
Also the west end crew in Abercarn

I did a wheelie on a Penny Farthing
Big wheel up, big wheel up
All the bus routes
X15, 53, big respect
Red and white at cross keys
and their rivals glynn williams

Respect to you all
All those that know fake Elvis
On their transister radio...

Maggot, signing out, 2000 plus 3. Everyman do his ting and look away de van?