Mr. Plum

A curious person is Mr. Plum
Never glum

Though he had a one-foot leg
A one-foot trunk
And a head going one-foot high
He juggled daggers without buzz
And sent them flashing through the sky

Always a child and never a man
Poor Mr. Plum
The dwa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-warf

He courted Big Bella, the bareback rider
And tried her

He juggled, she rode
They coupled in fun
And soon were parents of an angelic son
Who caught their days and stole their nights
They called him Gabriel by the stars

Always a child and never a man
Glad Mr. Plum
The dwa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-warf

Sweet Gabriel brought them joy for seven years
Past all fears

Then suddenly to the dwarf's dismay
This brilliant boy grew taller day by day
Soon the son outgrew the sire
And joy to jealousy gave away

Always a child and never a man
Sad Mr. Plum
The dwa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-warf

Poor Mr. Plum grew sick and cold with envy, with envy

'Til one night, the moon in his head, moaning in secret
He wished his son dead
A roar of wrath, he flashed his knife
And severed Gabriel's head

Always a child and never a man
Mad Mr. Plum
The dwa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-warf

As a favour to the height of the condemned
Like a friend

The hangman built a shorter fall
But the mad dwarf shouting shattered the fun
No, I want to die like a man and the hangman he didn't score
No longer a child at last a man, poor Mr. Plum

The dwarf, the dwarf, the dwarf, the dwarf
The dwarf, the dwarf, the dwarf, the dwarf, the dwarf