Andy Where's Your Kilt

Andy, Where's Your Kilt, My Lad?

In 1960 I began to sing myself a song
Called, "Donald, Where's Yer Trousers?"
And it really cottoned on.
That was 38 year ago but even to this day
If I'm not in my tartan kilt
Here's what you'll hear them say:

Andy, where's your kilt, my lad?
You gave us such a fright!
But when you're in your trousers, man,
You somehow don't look right.
Your figure may not be sublime
But, Ah! That Scottish Build!
And ya cannot swing your trousers,
So, Andy, where's your kilt?

Now, trousers are different
And nobody wants to know
When you're wearing trousers
What you've got on down below.
"Is there anything worn beneath your kilt?"
A lady asks, "Is it true?"
Says, I, "There's nothing "worn" at all,
It's all as good as new!"

One day when I was in my kilt
And walking down the street
A lady passing by me suddenly fainted at my feet.
If you'd like to know, my friends,
Well, here's what happened then:
I looked down and she looked up
And she fainted once again.