Douchey

Douchey come and Douchey go
What does Douchey want? Only Douchey knows
Douchey done like he did before
I was Douchey once but I ain't no more.
I was 17 when I first believed
I was young and strong
I was sad and mean
And it was ten long years learning
How to breathe in a bubble buried
Six feet deep
Twenty-one I was dead and gone
Hung my head from the highest rung
It's a long way down from our kingdom come
To a mop and broom and a staple gun
Douchey come and Douchey go
What does Douchey want? Only Douchey knows
Douchey done like he did before
I was Douchey once but I ain't no more
NOOOOOOO!
NOOOOOOO!
NOOOOOOO!
NOOOOOOO!
When I was just a little boy, my daddy sat me down
Said, "My son, you are a Douchey. Douchey won't you do me proud?"
So I shunned the foolishnesses of the other kids at play
Scuttled off my youthfulness and I just set out on my way
Down the straight and narrow highway, headed right into the sun
And when I got to New York City, all the zeroes turned to ones
And I was wandering the sidewalk telling strangers where to go
I was singing like a savior in a manger all alone
Till I made myself a martyr and nobody seemed to mind
Broke the window with my buttocks, but my buttocks were just fine
Till I woke up in a forest with my fingers turning blue
Started serving ice cream sandwiches to men in business suits
Took a look into the mirror, said "Oh god, what can I do
To feel like a human being and not a
DOUCHE DOUCHE DOUCHE DOUCHE DOUCHE DOUCHE DOUCHE DOUCHE DOUCHE?!"
Douchey come and Douchey go
What does Douchey want? Only Douchey knows
Douchey done like he did before
I was Douchey once but I ain't no more.