Rhymes

(Secombe) I'm going to hold a rhyming competition
To prove that England is the greatest still
But if I don't like the rhyme that you have written
I reserve the right, the poet for to kill!
Have you heard of this man Moriarty
Who's never appeared with Russell Harty
(All) That was a terrible rhyme --
(Secombe) who's the next victim -- that's you
Whose daughter was christened Euphemia
Though she was a real stunner, she married a gunner
With chancres and haemophilia!
(All) That was a wonderful rhyme sign us another one, do!
Who had no manners or had forgotten them
At tea at the Vicar's, she ripped off her knickers
Because she said she felt hot in 'em
(All) That was a jolly good rhyme. Sing us another one, do
Who was stung on the neck by a wasp
When asked did it hurt, he replied not at all.
It can't
(All) That was an unfinished rhyme. Sing us another one do
In arm with the bird and the burdle
The old fargon goo, he done riden the blue
And he grundled the gwreds and the gwrelds
(All) That was a jolly good rhyme. Sing us another one, do
Who marry a girl from Kawmow
On honeymoon night, bed catch alight
So he get up and put on pyjamas
(All) That was a jolly good rhyme. Sing us another one, do
Fought for Hitler in hopes that he would win
Now he cleans all the shoes of the Golders Green Jews
Boy have they got it in for him!
(All) That was a jolly good rhyme. Sing us another one, do
(Indian1) Who went in to the bar for the Shandy
(Indian2) You are right absolutely
(Indian1) With his great loin cloth he wipes off the froth
And the barman says "Blimey, that's handy"
(All) That was a jolly good rhyme. Sing us another one, do
(Eccles) Well that's the end of that
(All) That was a jolly good rhyme. Sing us another one, do
(Bloodnok) Look, I have several others rhymes unsung
(All) That was a jolly good rhyme. Sing us another one, do
(Minnie) Stop! Stop! Stop!
FX: (various fading out complaints)
(Moriarity) The reason was this, I was out on the--
FX: (gunshot!)