Almost Cut My Hair (For Crosby)

I don't believe in a ruling class
I'll illegally download your music en masse
While wearing a Strong Bad face mask
You won't believe me, but the salt sings
And we balked at your Vulcan wings
I've got a Romulan's eyebrows
Reading Pablo Neruda and feeling small now
I bought real estate in an imaginary place
And a fat trunk full of disposable cameras
For one-shot memories of Tupac's bandana
I fell asleep when the man was lecturing
Ghost-ride the whip then peel off
I'll be in the den listening to Seals and Croft
Here's a game I no longer find entertaining:
Seeking validation from Internet strangers
I'll two-step across your carcasses
Before I tell where Bob Barker's buttress is
I'm Jeff Goldblum with a more impressive moustache
Who arrives at noon to spit rhymes for a bus pass

Yesterday I almost cut my hair
I didn't and I wonder why
I feel like letting my freak flag fly
I feel like I owe it to someone

I should be making more Kitty Pryde references
Witty and alive when I'm writing these sentences
I should be making more Kitty Pryde references
Witty and alive when I'm—
I should be making more Kitty Pryde references
(Witty and alive when I'm writing) these sentences
(I should be making more Kitty Pryde references)
Witty and alive when I'm—

You make jokes that you'll probably kill yourself
A transcendental idealist, I can only will myself
You'll get that reference when you're older
When you're a grownup
When you've learned circuitry and how to solder
When you've paid at least a handful of electricity bills
When you've received money from strangers on PayPal
Somehow you feel obligated not to let these nobodies down
I'm not a great swimmer, but I wouldn't've let you drown
That's the God's honest truth, I'll etch in my bedpan
Then sue for malpractice like I was Redman
Kierkegaard said either/or ain't a choice
I'm going to a rap in a Triple-H voice

Yesterday I almost cut my hair
I didn't and I wonder why
I feel like letting my freak flag fly
I feel like I owe it to someone

I should be making more Kitty Pryde references
Witty and alive when I'm writing these sentences
I should be making more Kitty Pryde references
Witty and alive when I'm (writing these sentences)
(I should be making more Kitty Pryde references)
Witty and alive when I'm writing these sentences
I should be making more Kitty Pryde references
(Witty and alive when I'm—)