Big Black Suitcase

I never met a man who had all he wanted
I never met a man who got the most from life
I never met a man who couldn't use a few more things
And if I meet that man, I'll talk straight to his wife

And I'll say to her
"Ma'am, would you like to see these things that I'm selling?
They can't do a thing you can't do for yourself
And to be frank, they're really not that useful, not at all
And in five short days, you'll stick 'em away up on some dusty shelf

It ain't Shinola that I'm selling
That shit could sell itself
It would improve your body
Or guarantee new wealth

So take a look at all the things in my big black suitcase
Mark on the order form the ones you want to buy
If you say 'No,' 'No thanks,' or even 'No, not at this time'
Then I'll know you're scared because you think that I am full of lies

And I'll be sad because
I may not carry any Bibles, that's for sure
But salvation can be found along with each and every sale
Pay now, pay later, it really doesn't matter to me, ma'am
'Cause I will be long gone by the time the bill arrives in your daily mail

You think it's Amway that I'm selling
Now, that is just not true
I guarantee there is nothing faulty
Why would I lie to you?