The Story of Lucy and Jessie

Here's a little story that should make you cry about two unhappy dames
Let us call them Lucy X and Jessie Y, which are not their real names

Now, Lucy has the purity, along with the unsurety that comes with being only twenty-one
Jessie has maturity and plenty of security
Whatever you can do with them, she's done

Given their advantages, you may ask why the two ladies have such grief
This is my belief in brief

Lucy is juicy, but terribly drab
Jessie is dressy, but cold as a slab
Lucy wants to be dressy
Jessie wants to be juicy
Lucy wants to be Jessie
And Jessie, Lucy

You see, Jessie is racy but hard as a rock
Lucy is lacy but dull as a smock
Jessie wants to be lacy
Lucy wants to be Jessie
That's the pitiful précis, it's very messy

Poor sad souls itching to be switching roles
Lucy wants to do what Jessie does
Jessie want to be what Lucy was

Lucy's a lassie, ya pat on the head
Jessie is classy, but virtually dead
Lucy wants to be classy
Jessie wants to be lassie
If Lucy and Jessie could only combine
I could tell you someone who would finally feel just fine!

Now, if you see Lucy X
Youthful, truthful Lucy X
Let her know she's better than she suspects
Now, if you see Jessie Y
Faded, jaded Jessie Y
Tell her that she's sweller than apple pie

Juicy Lucy!
Dressy Jessie!
Tell 'em that they oughta get together quick
'Cause getting it together is the whole trick, yeah!

(Yeah!)
(Yeah!)

Come on, boys!
Let's go!

Yeah!